he rode roughshod over language
pc coppers on his trail
he never flinched
or gave an inch
yet lived to tell this tale
.....................................................

I walked into a bar
sat next to a midget injun
I said "howdy"
He said "how"

a big fat hill-billy broad
stood behind the bar
the injun said "don't get any ideas,
that's my squaw"
I nodded, said ok

then, in strode a tranny
six foot tall, black and blonde
dragging a pygmy
dolled up in pink
a pork pie hat
and golden teeth

even the retarded kid
squatting in the corner
started to laugh
his half-breed mama
squawking in Mex
gave him a slap
he kept on laughing
she threw up her hands
and went back to
her gringo-man at the bar
he mumbled something in Drunk
she giggled and farted

the brouhaha started over the music

the Mex wanted mariachi
the tranny yelped "Beyonce"
the retard went full tantrum for metal
and the injun cried for Sinatra

but the hill-billy bar-maid paid no mind
and put on blue grassy banjos amid harrowing whines

the whole place went berserk

the tranny took a punch to the nuts
as the pygmy and midget grappled on the floor
all the while, the retard was screaming "kill'em, kill'em all"
the drunk gringo, quite aloof, started dancing like a queen
his woman grabbed him by his gyrating crotch
"ay ay ayy", he squealed, in what seemed to me
a thick Lithuanian accent

I, on the other hand,
hunkered down
searched and found
the plug to the box
and like a true blue Yankee
pummeled it into silence
and submission

all the creeps and foreigners knew the drill,
-cease and desist,
'cause this here born and bred full-blooded American is now in charge
so if you want to stay, that's ok
but you first gotta learn The American Way

after a bit of mewling, they all agreed
I ordered a round of drinks for all

then,
surreptitiously,
slipped out the back
laughing to myself as I
rode off into the great western sunset