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ROSES

I watch them row down the river side
A bush of bloody saints coat the mountains glide
Fluttering in the wind like a group of dancing brides
Consoles a loner's heart that greet the raging tides.

I wasn't born on a bed of roses,
But I grow them in a small garden near Mosis
Knowing someday they will grow into 'a beautiful thing'
And I will make crowns of them and rule this jungle as King.

Roses I love their smell, but they are hard to grow
In harmarttan they wilt, in spring they glow
And when pale I water them day and night
The thorns wound my fingers but they never leave my sight

Experience says even roses with all her beauty has thorns that tear
They come beautiful and in colors, they prick and may scare.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
ROSES is a symbolic representation of life through the pictures of the rose flower. Life may seem beautiful but without the other face of the coin. It is an in-depth analysis on the adage 'Life is not a bed of roses'. Please have that in mind while reading this poem.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like your poem, reads nicely.
Thanks for introducing me to "harmarttan", I had no idea of such a season, so different from ours.

I think that it's great you are writing in standard forms, musicians do it with "studies" and artists with drawing...The poem has some very good images and the rhymes are mostly not forced. a few suggestions:
"bloody" for saints makes is stop to consider this image...it stops the reader from moving on, comparing the roses to such an image of so much blood...
"The thorns wound my fingers but they never leave my sight " is ambiguous. You are watering the roses, not touching them, and they will not leave your sight..not sure what you mean.
Lastly I would try to rework the lines so word "tears" is not used twice.

Sonnets are great, I go there often. Not to produce masterpieces, but sometimes just to write to keep the juices flowing with words.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

The thorn is a symbol of suffering, hardship and all the difficulty that may come with life. Despite all the ups and downs, the poets persona maintains that it doesn't make him lose focus on his set goals "The thorns wound my fingers but they never leave my sight " he keeps watering his dreams like a farmer would irrigate his farm knowing someday they will ''...grow into beautiful things'' (Meaning his labors will yield results.)

Hommies

author comment

I appreciate the detailed points on my flaws, I will edit as much as possible.

Hommies

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