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Rose Colored Remembrances

rationalizing
reminiscences of her
needing pretty pictures
to revive my burnt out life

Armorall'd surfaces
seasoned, but shiney
glow-in- the-dark fantasies
oozing whispers of love
so necessary
so needful

woe be me, for real,
if the surfaces were to be glimpsed
in their natural rough and dull state
and the darkness was unmarred
by smokey spotlighted images
and the oozing was a raging flood of regret
and disillusionment

could I survive
with only those experiences to
prime my heart into beating one more time?

so I surround myself in
self-centered, self-serving
sentimental delusions of
idealized sensual memories

why not?

like warm blankets on a cold night
I need them to survive

.
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Comments

except 'to revive my bum life' - it spoilt it for me
- i think on reflection that is because bum has only one syllable - after 'rationalise', 'reminiscinces', 'pretty pictures', 'revive', 'bum life' to my feel needs more emphasis if you know what i mean - i hope you do...

perhaps - 'lousy', 'miserable', 'shoddy', 'accursed', - or even 'crappy' or 'cruddy'?
and maybe 'existence' instead of life?

i really enjoyed this
shame we can't bookmark anymore

love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I really like this a lot.

"vagabond" instead of "bum", perhaps?

The only line I don't like is "woe is me" - it's too old fashioned, and does not fit with the rest of the piece, although I cannot really see an alternative, at this point.

Also, I would replace "a warm blanket" with "warm blankets", since you are referring to many states, and not just one.

I have bookmarked this one: I'm a tired old fart who still uses Netscape, lol.

Wish I could nominate, though, heehee.

Respectfully, Jim

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

enlighten a tired old fartess who is almost computer illiterate
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Netscape....Netscape Navigator, the original web browser, bought out, and subsequently mothballed, by AOL.

I like it, its solid, it's easy to use, and it's virtually malware-free, unlike Internet Explorer, which is so rife with security holes, viruses and malware add-on attacks that I wouldn't use it one someone ELSE'S computer!
Netscape is old, obsolete, not supported by anyone anymore, won't load most video sites at all...and is completely ignored as a back-door and browser route by almost every hacker in existence.
I love it, heehee.

Jim

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

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