Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Rose-Castrated

Submitted by lovedly on Mon, 2020-01-06 00:07

Youth shrivels
as one comes of age
I’ll too pass from this page

recall me as a romantic poet
anonymity everlasting
a rose does symbolize
for all humanity
past present and future
generations gone yet
those to seed
a rose alone never dies
in pages of books it lies
as a hall mark of time
so remember
the garden of beauty
symbolizes this flower
also don’t forget
the good ones of times
when fragrance given was
from gardens of heaven on earth
as we ready ourselves from birth
to don a rose
ere you are born
till you die
the beauty will standby
a sweet smell of the perfume spread
you will still feel it swipe
across your face
your nostrils
each time it happens
I shall come alive
as a living memory

One in hand for each one
as time bails on to eternity
this maestro will stand beside you
believe me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

lovedly

Thu, 2020-01-09 06:00

lovedly's picture

recast as advised by many

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2020-01-06 22:06

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

you are a rose! A symbol of love. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Mon, 2020-01-06 15:41

Volunteer badge

Who will ever forget the scent of a fresh rose?

weirdelf

Tue, 2020-01-07 06:46

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

You push the rose metaphor way too far in this.

I've been telling you for years, my dear, less is more. You would be heard more if you posted less and concentrated on making each poem count. I've grown quite fond of you over the years and I bet bet if we met we could be friends. Suffice to say for now LESS IS MORE.

You have talent, you are a genuine, talented poet but I am excluding your poems from my upcoming workshop on critique which will focus on the 'Undiscovered Works' list because you don't listen to feedback and persist in the delusion that posting hundreds of poems everywhere means you are read.

Why don't you listen to me? I wouldn't have tried so hard and abused you so much if I didn't care.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Tue, 2020-01-07 09:24

lovedly's picture

I shall abide
the machine gun
last ammo
has been set aside

I post very less
do review

au revoir till the next sunrise

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2020-01-07 09:46

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

don't you?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Tue, 2020-01-07 11:28

lovedly's picture

I have unpublished many older ones
shall remove the balance
and
I have circumcised
one after you did advise
please tell me
if I have now been wise

Thanks I love kicks
it's the only way for a football
to go far

author comment

Obadiah Grey

Tue, 2020-01-07 13:11

Obadiah Grey's picture
Volunteer badge

Poetry is for You, no-one else!
don't worry about what others think.
always write for yourself.

Errrm,,,, having said that,
if you were pare this a little it would read better.

particularly liked the final stanza myself.

Obi.

lovedly

Wed, 2020-01-08 00:36

lovedly's picture

for uplifting
a small poet like me

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.