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ROOTS (Naked Tree Contest)

Tree limbs twisted to frozen wires-
Naked the nerves now reach skyward;
I could not remember them dressed
And was resigned to winter.

In spring, the memory of warmth
Will awaken, and quickly the fluids
Swirl to flowers and to leaves
Whose palms will hold the dew,
Whose green will be that aroma
Of ripeness that we shall breathe,
Memorizing the canopies,
For the long and fragrant summer.

Remembrances are made of nerves-
Bare roots both buried in the earth
And exposed to bloom and fade,
Exiled from a permanence of seasons.

Last few words: 
Thanks for all the input in comments on the original. Here's a re-do I've been working on for a few weeks. It is a symbolic poem, somewhat abstract in that the premise is to connect the image of tree to memory, how it "blooms and fades" When considering the contest I have no idea where this came from, but I just followed it..
Editing stage: 

Comments

Is my favorite and the lines seem perfect for a poem about naked trees. The second is almost as powerful, but is hurt by the tense that starts the first line, I do believe that it should be [come] not came. I like the "Remembrances are made of nerves, half buried in the earth", then you lose me with, "The other half exiled from a permanence of seasons." ~ Gee.
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that half the tree is roots, which has a permanence of seasons being in the ground. which hold the memories of green for the tree...well, that was the inspiring image...they don't always work!
I'm sure I'll take another look at this poem in the coming winter.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

This is really lovely. A worthy contribution to the contest! I think I like "came" actually. I was able to read it as a shortening of "Then came" and was happy with it for its succinctness, so I guess it's up to you if you decide to revise!

What actually got to me was "whose green will be that aroma of greenness". I like "aroma of greenness" but think something else might be better suited for the first "green". "Foliage" was the first thing that came to mind, but that is potentially a bit too cumbersome for the line. Still there a ton of options from the various parts of trees and other plants. "Bark" might be good since it's the only part that remains for trees that lose their leaves. Thoughts?

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

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would you be so good
so as to read mine also
thanks for your views

As we go through Our seasons we also have roots that ignore the passing of years. In Stanza 2 lines 4 and five... I think "green" and "greenness are a bit too close together. Perhaps greenness could be replaced by something like ripeness? Good luck in contest.........stan

we shall breath,
did you not mean
breathe
and emolpus
when you type
try and avoid typing each first word
as in Caps
that is lapstops need
not poetry's

I will correct.
There are 2 camps concerning Caps. I agree with the majority camp, to Cap the first word of a line. If you google the subject you will find several well written papers that support my point of view. For me it does help define the poetic form. I carry no prejudice though, I appreciate the "non Capers", like I appreciate the point of view of those that do not punctuate.

The only point of view I do not agree with is those that partially use punctuation in a poem- for me it's all or nothing, half-way makes the poem look amateur.

In the end though, to cap or not to cap is a much important as the color or style of the frame chosen for a painting. It really doesn't effect the painting, but does influence the entire effect on the viewer...but just slightly.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

educating me
Emol

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