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roller coaster

my mind is like a roller coaster
that continuously falls off the tracks.
or a train that runs for miles and miles
upon broken breaks and never stops,
transversing between unstable rails that will stab you in the back.
if you have ever observed time go by while trapped behind the wagons' glass casement,
then you've noticed the scene always changes,
like a mask is lifted from this planet
and dissipates outside our atmosphere.
purely it all becomes as clear as crystalline,
how it makes all the difference when repining at tomorrow in another lifetime-
shifting and evolving energetically life will simply soar on through more than one parallel universe.
akin to your thoughts as they travel amidst specialized neurons,
they're scattered like crushed posessions from a home invasion.
twisted as it may be, the world is a beautiful place.
society may corrupt our view of this planet, make it look stained. hopeless. sad.
like a laundry basket that never stops collecting dirty items.
despite all that is taken from each person,
let go of your inner desperation as many beings have left you souvenirs beyond each brink.
pick up the pieces sprinkled about from others' lost souls-
they shower you like fairies with star dust,
and let them wander beside your spirit through every breath starting at the oceans crust.
your conscience may be a roller coaster, or a train swamped of melancholy.
refuse to let your mind turn you into a catastrophe,
as all intelligence that walks this earth copes with their very own misery.
- etienne johnson

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
read this poem with an open mind please. i tried my best on this, i appreciate any feedback.
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

too tired to give my full attention; I'll come back tomorrow and give this the critique it deserves. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

after reading and re-reading, I still don't have a clue about this. I know what you say about it, but I just can't grasp some of your lines. [Transversing between unstable rails that stab you in the back]? Come on, let's see you write about a winter storm or a glorious day in the woods! Keep it simple with plain thoughts. I see that you have a good vocabulary, no need to try for the best ever thoughts in the world. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

i appreciate your thought and decision to give me great feedback that ill consider in the future. but this poem i wrote can mean whatever you want it to mean. it can apply to your mind in whatever way you wish.

author comment

what your saying makes perfect sense, this poem doesn't reflect my pov of individuals but it brings interesting things to think about. i would like as many readers as possible to understand my poetry yet i want to bring new ideas and challenging topics for others to consider. im new at writing so yes i need to work on making my poems meanings more clear! thank you for your feedback, much appreciated!
my point i was trying to get across is the diversity of individuals conscience. but my readers can choose what they want to take or not take from this poem.

author comment

thank you so much for your feedback i will take this into consideration!

author comment
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