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on this river

with or without 
he’s been given a taste of both 
and wonders next time if he could skip the ending 
or if there’d be no ending at all 
 
I wasn't there 
but i watched every second 
and felt the pain, just the same
 as if he’d plunged the knife down my throat 
 
with or without 
he’s more familiar with the latter 
but that smile…
that smile and the way he held his drink 
with the confidence it would never empty 
 
I wasn't there but i might as well have been 
stuck on this river with his hands in my hair 
hungry
 
he’d been searching for nourishment
since before we met
and now he would feast 
 
with or without 
I’d rather the first

but he never offered the luxury

 
 
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

you are born young
but BIG metaphorically

your poem has many meanings
upcoming young man

hold his /her hand

Glad you could enjoy this one, spent a lot of time on it. Thank you

author comment

Hi, Leo,
A sullen, gray mood to this one, and well done. The final stanza, especially the final line - piercing and consuming.
L

Always appreciated Lavender, i felt very strongly when writing this one.

author comment

many won't read you see soonly....................

Just a busy time of my life, end of my third year university term. got many other things to worry about unfortunately, wish i could stay on here all day replying to everyone but i just dont have the time.

author comment
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