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Right word workshop

Submitted by wesley snow on Thu, 2014-12-11 20:14

The trees are blossomed into leaf
Like poesy almost being said
The recent buds grow dark and spread
Their greenness is a kind of grief
Is it that they are young again
And we so old? No, they age too
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain
Yet still the unresting will thresh
In fullgrown bloom every May
Last year is dead they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

Style / type:

Structured: Eastern

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Here is my first exercise. I didn't know where to post it so I opted for the big way.

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Workshop:

"The Right Word"

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2014-12-14 22:17