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revenge

he's really my true love - I saw him first
I took one look and weakened at the knees
I thought, to start, my heart would nearly burst
but, damn it, now he's Kimberley's new squeeze

O fickle heart of finger, that of fate
he smiled and stared, so sensual, at my lip
when Kimberley called out to him to wait
pretending she was swooning - 'bout to slip

she timed it so he'd catch her when she fell
O how so cleverly she set the bait
their eyes engaged - not much more left to tell
except she once was, one time, my good mate

I'm buying glossies, reading trends and fashions
I'm learning, now, to be a fatal femme
to stun him with my new sophistications
and steal him off of her, then promptly dump him

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

And simply couldn't resist a reading.

https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/revenge-submitted-by-judyanne
I learning, now, to be a fatal femme [I'm]

Your return has inspired me, Judyanne, to critique and writing. There is so much work (in the Balinese meaning of the word, both labour and play) to be done here at Neopoet! Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I am very honoured you thought this worthy of a reading
I'm also very glad that you feel inspired... although how i factor into that has me stumped ....

- typo fixed - thanks
Your visit greatly appreciated
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

because I think we were going through similar things with our muses

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Love the way you spin it.

Alid

So very glad you liked this

I hope your feeling better.... a foreign body sitting under your skin must be most uncomfortable
I guess eventually you'll adjust to it
at least it's keeping a watch on that ticker of yours and that's a good thing

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Enjoyed reading

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

For the read and very kind comment
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

That touched my heart and made me realize love really is a nasty thing.

Åłåńå Fłøręš

Well expressed dear judy.
S3, L4 once was, one time ... reads like a repetition of the same words.
I really love the true emotions in this though I don't agree with you in the revenge thing.
He is a loser, so why would I think much of him?
At least my view.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Except she once was, one time, my best friend
repetition - a poetic devise, to emphasise the fact that is no longer the case

- it's only a poem rula - just a bit of fun, since we're in the middle of a humour workshop... not into revenge myself - especially over a man lol

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Great poem! Ahh the foibles of love. Te he I'd go with Rula on this one. Kimberley might deserve a bit of a slappin though! Lol only joking

Rhyming was great - of course! te he

Love Mand xxxx

is too slippery to catch in order to slap mand
Don't think i didn't try lol

Thanks for the read and support

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This write shows two sides of the same coin :)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

sorry raj
I don't quite understand what you mean here
Thank you for the visit
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

What i meant was two sides of a woman's personality...starkly different...you know now what i mean?....:)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

simply put, this is great. my favorite part is the bit about dumping him :)

mag

Thanks mag
I'm glad you liked this
I imagine that dumping him is the more clever thing to do - he wouldn't know how to be faithful
:)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Liked this a lot, does this really happen to women as well. I thought this was a mans thing. LOL.. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Lol - man / woman - we're only three letters different

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

except she was once upon a time a good mate? just an idea. They say if captured by an enemy one should pray they not turn you over to their women lol. I enjoyed reading this and am now just a tiny bit afraid............stan

at your suggestion
- but i thank you
:)

Lol - yes be afraid, be very afraid
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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