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Retreat-ment

A rock, bound to a leaf
The wing to free the moment
Flutters green or autumn crimson
on the rich tended soil
within the forest of the "aaaahhhhh"
The holy garden sanctuary
I feel your feet tread
The focus of your creative mind
Weaving it’s wonderful magic in your space
Making more beauty
Beauty forms the feathers of the freedom that is peace
Peace, no matter what the circumstance
Settle in the moment,
the present,
the gift of the rock and the leaf and the silver fox
in the holy garden
beneath the forgiving sky

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I wrote this as a response to an email from my dear friend who has begun radiology, this week, his email was titled "treat-me-nt ", I loved how this became "RE: treat-me-nt " when I responded, prompting an image of a buddhist place of healing... rather than the hospital surrounding he is experiencing. As usual this was just a stream of consciousness write, could do with a little more focus & shaping no doubt.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This poem creates wonderful images in the mind, so that everyone will have to take their own meanings. I hope your freind finds the same sort of feelings i have had reading this. I am not going to crit this as i see you intend working on your poem further. Nice start and i hope your freind is ok.. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Hi Roscoe, glad you found it positively effective, & yes, I love that about poetry, the interpretation, the shape & senses of the imagery offered are governed by our own experience more than not..

I would like to invite you to crit all you like since I have came back to it twice today & it is too close (as an offering to my friend) to have reasonable perspective I think... I KNOW what the element there-in symbolise exactly & so have not, at this point got the space to step back to see how others might see it... My comment stands, I feel sure there are areas that could be improved, but I can't see them at this point.

Yes, I hope he finds this soothing, & I am grateful that you hinted you may have done so. I am struggling not to be anxious because I have now got a dreadful flu/virus & can't visit or drive him the long trip to the hospital, his immunity will be down from the radiotherapy & he should not be exposed, so this was all I could offer... However, I do know others in our community are leaving him wonderful uplfting gifts, he described these in his email, & I have included some of them in this write.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Oh the rock that is rocked
by the stream of life's dream
has a wing of a leaf that stops by,
I loved those two lines
as you now descry.

OOOOO
the Autumn crimson with green is scintillating
and I can smell the soil,

aaahhhh-the kookaburra?
The sweetness of love in the sanctuary of flowers

You express the poignancy of the sentiments so well here, Anni,
taking words in flight with your stone
to heal the heavy footsteps that blemish
the floor of the holy garden
and wish to whisk them away.

Annushka, give him my love, I know about it!

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thanks dear Annushka, I am going to find one of your beautiful photograph to send to Petrus, I know he would appreciate them too, your precision & artistic eye is such a boon when your images speak so much clarity & beauty... without a single word eh? & you have both, framing words & images as well to send across our lovely globe... Love it!

You would love Petrus' "holy garden" it is mostly vegies & produce, lovingly tended, creatively set out & fenced off to keep the kangaroos & wallabies out since he does live in the thick of the Wombat forest that surrounds us here. He has offered me his studio while he is not using it, so generous... & such a gift when I am squeezed for space here. I am ill & must stay away for now while he is undergoing the Radiotherapy though, but I am so looking forward to going there to write & paint a day or 2 per week. He is such an inspiring man Annushka, you should google him!!! (such a funny term, I still chuckle at it). He is dutch but travelled much of his life & has lived here many years now, creating art all over the place still.

Like you xxx
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

I was glad for your notes as I was settling down to a few more reads of the poem to see if I could understand it better

it only took a second read then, rather than the twenty or so I was expecting - not that that would’ve been a bad thing – and I would’ve made something very different from it I imagine, as, even knowing what you are saying, through these little cracks in my mind, as i read it over, I see these other images …

I especially love the descriptive of the first five lines….

I don’t think this needs any more work – sometimes one attempts a stream of conscious write and actually does dip into the stream – and I think you have done exactly that with this one
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Dear Judy, I almost feel I should apologise for posting this, it is, indeed, pretty obscure, but I do know I sometimes enjoy a poem of obscurity if it can carry enough imagery & emotion to place it into my own visualisation processes. I have to say that I did use totally practical existing contexts to try to weave a magical scenario.. The inspiration was quite magical though, &., at the risk of breaking the spell, I think the essence is worth reporting. In his email, my friend described some of the gifts he received:
From the family down the road (who call him "the silver fox") in the forest he lives in, he was given a gift for each day of treatment.
From other close frineds he was gifted some 34 rocks with 34 leave tied to them (he is an artist, this may seem an odd gift, but not in our circles), he described how he would take one of these each day after treatment & place it somewhere in his garden.
He has a beautiful garden for produce that he tends with great care, at the entrance of this garden (it is fenced to keep out hte kangaroos & wallabies) is a stone of granite deeply etched with the word "HOLY", I have always called this Petrus' Holy garden.
He also described to me how, after driving home the 45 ks from the hospital after his first treatment, he reached the forest & a an "ahhhhhhhh" escaped his being... release from tension & the sanctuary of home.

These will help make deciphering much easier, though I rarely explain a write, I do believe you should treasure whatever it is that comes up for you, this is what I would hope to ellicit.

Thank you for your comments, I love that you share your responses with me, it is a gift.

Enjoy
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Oh, Anni... this is so lovely! I get nothing but peace and hope from readin this poem (and love, let's not forget love!)

Favorite lines:

I feel your feet tread
The focus of your creative mind
Weaving it’s wonderful magic in your space
Making more beauty
Beauty forms the feathers of the freedom that is peace
Peace, no matter what the circumstance
Settle in the moment,
the present,

I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work. I wouldn't change a word of it. Best wishes and healing energy to your friend.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Dear Cat, thanks, that is lovely praise & it does ease me & give me hope that perhaps I was able to pass on some peaceful & worthy sentiment to my friend as well in writing this.

As I mention above, I felt it might need some work, but I could not clearly see what I would change that would make it a more apropriate & well crafted gift... Perhaps like Judy says, in my stram of consciousness write, I did manage to dip into the stream.

I still feel quite humble about it though, even if I have managed to get it "right" for a few readers thus far... I think that is probably as it should be though, it feels best like that.

Best wishes & warmth to you Cat
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Can the sound of clapping hands and the chants of, ‘bravo…bravo’ ever satisfy you? Can the filled class rooms and lecture halls at Universities… the masses gathered in awe; raising you above their shoulders to express their gratitude ever truly convey that which will reciprocate the magnitude of your words? Would the crowded stadiums and sold out arenas; thousands of ears intended to translate your stimulating measures into smiles and into tears ever equally reflect back upon you the depth at which you are capable of perfecting a vision and shaping a soul?

Or, might this one man here before you, on this single page; no fireworks, no glitter, no fanfare and no sound, clumsily struggle to assure you, on behalf of all that have read you and all who will one day discover the pleasure in your verse, that…
YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR

Convicted Cloudthing Groupie
OREO

Dear Oreo, I can't see it in truth, even were I deserving, not many great poets get that sort of attention, nor, in truth do they usually desire it I am guessing. It is a humble thing writing, don't you think. For me, it is in touching an individual, moving them to think or smile or remember, feel, laugh, cry etc. that is the highest honour.. I feel extremely lucky to have found Neopoet & to be able to share & read the writings of others, reflecting back to them those things that reach to my writers soul & if I am lucky, reading the responses I was able to evoke with my own writing.
I have met some extremely precious folk on this site, whom have nestled themselves into my heart via bravery & truthfulness, craft & wisdom & often brilliance, stripped back to such simplicity I could cry. This is my gift & reward for writing, but thank you for painting such a grand picture for me... what a lovely thing if a good poet was as adored as all that... I know in my heart, I have so adored other writers & am flattered that you think so highly of my work. But for me, it is enough to inspire a few sometimes to be moved.
Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Don't think I can delete this?

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment
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