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REQUESTS

Let each faltering step I take
alight upon the deep green moss
beside a remote stream or lake
beneath treetops which stir not toss.

May I inhale a light cool breeze
perfumed with ripe wild muscadines
upon the ground beneath tall trees
fresh fallen from their autumn vines.

And might the sounds which reach my ears
be absent of the noise of men.
I'd hear, rather, what a crane hears
as it lands within a tiny fen.

Put dappled shade along my way
which wends among the sylvan lands
where few if any others stray
in midst of pine and poplar stands.

Give me a sky of clearing storms
where clouds are chased away by blue
where a southward flying flock now forms
when all now seems freshly washed and new.

Allow me to step quietly
enough to see the denizens
which share this woodland world with me
have they feet, strong wings or fins.

These are the types of things I seek
when towns and men become too much
and off to healing woods I sneak
in search of solitude and such
an escape from a mind turned bleak.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Run quickly and don't read this poem as it's not very good
Editing stage: 

Comments

I ran so fast all I got was "Let each mind turned bleak"
this terrified me.
So I read your piece slowly, and then I found a very good poem..
All those questions you must be tired selecting all those options lol.
Take care young Stan,
Thinking of you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Hmmm..... perhaps that's the secret to reading my stuff. Read it slowly enough that it puts you to sleep lol.......stan

author comment

but its more of a DESIRE
than a REquest I thought

loved

Desire might have a bit too much of an erotic shade than what I wanted. Thanks for coming by and taking time to read and comment..........stan

author comment

if u so don't desire
let me not in your veins ignite a fire alas it's your domain a kind suggestive poet i shall still remain but permit you to cross my lane and say what the hell where do you live go clean up while time there is still but then add on yeah i leave it to your will you only compose poetry to your useless not invaluable time to kill so do as you will

If you so don't desire
let me not in your veins
ignite a blazing fire
alas it's your domain
a kind suggestive poet
I shall always remain

but permit you to cross my lane
to say what the hell
where do you live
go clean up while time there is still

but then add
on yeah I leave it to your will
you only compose poetry
to your useless
not invaluable time
to kill
so do as you will….

loved

I think you are aware of my reluctance to change poem titles. I think of the 600-700 I've written I might have changed titles 4-5 times at most. So don't get yourself in a twist because I'm not changing this one lol........stan

author comment

and me too
the name shall stand
as we both roam along neopoet
hand in hand
the poetry is lovely
so true
glad for you

loved

Very nice write..I thought the flow and use of language was great. You painted such a beautiful, tranquil picture of your own personal refuge. I got a clear definition of what solitude means for you and it how it appears in your world. I agree, Desire might have been a little too erotic. Requests fit nicely as you are requesting a break, a little bit of peace from the chaos of the present world. I really do enjoy your pieces. Glad you found that "perfect" word....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Thank you. I often try to share the peace I find in the forests with others who might also need a respite in their hectic lives. Appreciate your visit and I'm still not getting all the words "perfect" lol.........stan

author comment

Something we all need/deserve at various points in our lives. It is nice to get away from all the noise and chaos and reconnect with ourselves. I am not quite getting all the words perfect either...but close to it :) I dug into the archives when I was hardcorechick, pulled out several pieces which I saved to a blog on here so I have them handy and am reworking them. Ian pointed out I have several story pieces so I am working on one in particular and added it to Wesley's workshop. :) Now to create the next installment of the adventure....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I've got a semi -epic started also called "Issaqueena's Run". I've already posted part 1 an2 but can't figure out a way to finish it. In the real tale upon which it's based both the heroine and here lover lived happily ever after but I just can't figure out how to keep that from sounding trite lol. Best of luck on your main edit..........stan PS narrative poetry is often the most memorable because people will recall the overall story if not the verses

author comment

This is typical "Stanesque"

with its love for nature and peace. I found some lines are bit long
that might need a revisit from your side if you decide to revise but
they never tumble my enjoyment.

S2 L2 "inhale"?
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Stanesque? lol. I guess I've become so predictable that ya'll have come up with a name for my writing lol. I almost always come back with revisions after a while and I'll keep line lengths in mind when I edit this. Appreciate you dropping by..............stan

author comment

How lovely - this poem invoked in me peace, tranquility and escapism. I would join you in this sanctuary,

"in search of solitude and such
an escape from a mind turned bleak".

This poem shows your rhyming skills - what you have accomplished is no easy task.

You have painted a beautiful word picture. I am trying to think of something to improve on - maybe it's my inexperience but as far as I can tell there is nothing to improve on.

Truly delightful and refreshing to read.

LOve Mand xxxxxxx

I am pleased that the yearning for tranquil escape came through for you. Next time you're in South Carolina (as if there's been a first time) drop in and we'll go to a few of my favorite spots. Thanks for the visit..........stan

author comment

and I from 2010
we may quietly agree
to a certain degree
you love QUALITY
unlike me
I am a freelancer
ABS free

quality comes in many forms so don't downplay the quality of your poems. That's My habit lol

author comment
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