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THE REPRIEVE

Can I stop
to listen -
I mean really listen
to the stillness of breath
Can I look -
I mean really look
at the swaying silhouettes of trees
choreographed
on the walls of my mind
Can I summon -
I mean really summon
enough energy, patience
and strength
to swim out against the surging
tides
of quotidian concerns
and sensual proclivities
in order to
deconstruct
detoxify
and demystify
the language
of silence
frozen into icicles
Time has melted
and droplets of fire
burn tapestries
on my forehead
while the papyrus
of my consciousness
is being steadily
written upon
Once accomplished
the stylus will fall
into stasis

Editing stage: 

Comments

This is very good. I like how you made the flow pause at point of change

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

for the analytic comment.

Yes, I have just been lazy to give it enough thought but I shall definitely make an effort. The trouble with this format is it is difficult to stick to the syllable count.

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

author comment

Yea it takes a little work and effort. We'll help with the count.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

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