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(repost) Visions In The Fire

Visions In The Fire

I sense a culmination
in close approximation
it brings a shudder
this sensation
of expected expiration
like embers glowing
in the campfire
soon to burn out
like dying note of
polished lyre
I note the winds have changed
carrying smoke
and fallen leaves
with the changing season
my heart grieves
and yearns for
lost days gone by
the ghosts that fly
in the face of
our handful of tomorrows

*it had been suggested that the title is not right. all suggestions are welcome. thank you!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
thanks for the requested help on this repost! always, Cat
Editing stage: 

Comments

the title is very apt.
I like the sense of urgency in the poem. The short lines accentuate this.
I like how you have conveyed the impending end, tinged with sadness. It's very atmospheric.
Jx

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you give an excellent critique with thoughts and feelings from the heart!

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

in finding some pattern
that you had in mind
be kind
I have not much
of a discernible mind
now also almost
half blind

this poem is about ageing and the passage of time. I hope that helps to clear things up for you. thank you for responding, it is appreciated.

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

that your title is fine. I am more focused on the pattern of the poem [which you changed up rather neatly]. The word [defoliated] just seems too unwieldy and breaks the rhythm. I think you could safely use a different word to give the idea of the changing season. Maybe something like: fallen leaves, discarded leaves or colored leaves? I would just delete the word [awaited] in the verse:
in the face of our tomorrows. It doesn't change the line and makes it a bit better in rhythm. Just my opinion, after all. Good theme and well expressed. ~ Gee.
.

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for your welcome suggestions of which I have implemented most of. I hope you are well and enjoying this weekend :)

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Try just adding "like" to the start of the title

thank you for your suggestion. let me think on it :)

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

After a busy week, and what do I find?
My favorite silver-haired witch, back at last.

I like this one a lot. It's got that "moment between moments" feeling that I always strive for - you know, where the words draw you down into the reading, the lines and cadence take you to places filled with thought and feeling, and when you come out the other side, you feel like no time has passed, even though it has.
Good stuff, and good to see you.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

it is so good to see you, too! how have you been? I hope that life is treating you with the proper respect? thank you for your deep analysis of this poem and sharing your thoughts with me! I always appreciate your thoughtful comments :) ready and waiting to read more of your poetry.

yours in friendship and respect, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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