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Strong we stand against the battering blows
I am prepared for devastation
Unwavering as we watch the hateful glow
This life was not my decision
We all step together and watch the blood flow
I feel no hesitation
As I am joined by brothers and sisters that I know
I'm amongst my division

There is no greatness or glory found here
Only blood loss and screams of death and of fear
This is our fate as we wage endless war
Against the ones we hate, tainted to the core
I Am not so foolish as to believe in the lie
That peace will be achieved when I die
This is the life we are assigned
So my fate is written as I choose mine

To halt progress of darkness as my carcass lay in blood
A war of attrition
My spine filled with knives from the ones that I love
Do I pray for salvation?
To heed the call of battle like a bloodstained dove
The fall is my damnation
To see to it that our wounds we lick and rub
But no one pays attention

There is no tales of valiance or honor found in this place
With only ourselves to go on and words of faith
We are all human fodder in this battlefield called life
We will help you up when you fall victim to its knife
Together we are strong but divided we are weak
We are drowning in the countless other nameless links
Our demons have earned us horrid stigmas
May our corpses serve as a sign for someone to help us.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content



There is a lot here that I think could use work but it would not have stood out so much if not for some of the stronger elements.

I have to point out that I admire the approximate end rhymes damnation/attention and place/faith. When used well, near rhymes, I feel, can easily compete with and often even outcompete perfect rhymes.

Limes 21-24 I think turned out especially well.
The repetition of "to" in Lines 21/23 partnered with the poetic phrasing and cadence, plus the matching meter and the well-picked end rhymes in lines 22/24, really, for me, stood out from the rest of the work.

Looking forward to more


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