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Reflections on a shooting star

Ephemeral and bright, piercing through
The inky cloak of sleepless contemplation.
I know the love of this woman
Who is my soul’s connection,
The wanton knot slipped round
Each tendrilled fibre of my being.
Solace of an aging heart’s gaunt emptiness,
Her nestled face in comfort’s fold of
Shoulder, arm and tumbled raven hair.
She is my heart's constellation,
My focal point in a star-crowded sky
Obscured by unexpected truth
Of moon-laced chasing clouds;
Dream-breakers of harsh experience.
She is my life’s true purpose,
And I am lost in each furtive kiss and guarded touch.
We are entwined forever in another world
That is not, and never can be this,
But is now, and in every star-gazed future,
Lying here still and radiant in my arms.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
It has been a couple of years now since I wrote a new poem so may be I have become a little ring rusty!
Editing stage: 

Comments

You still have it, I remember all those years ago when you took me under your wing and made a half decent poet out of what was lol I will be forever thankful though but you know that, I told you in my email how this made me feel, I will return with a critical eye tomorrow night and see if I can offer anything constructive, I reaaaaally love this poem though, so good to have my big bro back here at neo poet big smile

All my love Lil Sis xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I have seen how much you have progressed since those early days. You have always had a natural talent which together with your depth of experience and insight and constant efforts to extend and refine your poetry has paid obvious dividends. As for me I am happiest when I know my words evoke a strong emotional reaction since this is always my hope despite the fact that I do not always succeed lol. I cannot write as prolifically as you or some of the other poets on this site so I always have an acute sense of needing every single poem to hit its intended mark. I also find that when I stop writing for a few years, as I have just done, when I come back and re-read everything I wrote in the past I an dissatisfied and make many changes. I am beginning to wonder whether a poem is ever truly finished or if like life it constantly changes and evolves and can only truly be complete when experience is also completed. I often question whether the great poets became irritated by their published works over time and would have preferred to make changes to them. Who knows. In any case it seems to be a good reason to hang on to life and try to achieve that elusive goal of near perfection (we all know perfection is impossible!).

All my love BBxx

author comment

I am also a scientist
but once serendipity comments
I shall understand better

loved

I shall await tomorrow then. Hope you liked the poem.

My best wishes

Keith

author comment

You have been missed.

A beautifully written and authentic piece. Authentic might seem a strange word to use here until one considers that most love poetry sounds phoney through cliche and sentimentality.

The line
She is my every waking thought,
is the only one that jars for me as cliched and I'm not sure about the use of wrecked in
My only point in a star-wrecked sky
What did you have in mind?

I did a reading for you, hope you like it.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1UB7ucroO1U

Hope all is going well for you in China,

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Dear Jess,
Good and insightful comments, the lines and words you focused on are the ones I also had some unresolved issues with myself. It is indeed important to avoid cliché in romantic poetry...even though experience has taught me that in real life cliché often tends to meet with greater success than novelty lol. Anyway I am going to change this line in the revised version to "she is my heart's constellation" (i.e. she helps me to interpret the true shape of my heart in a sky full of stars). As for star-wrecked sky I liked the novelty and wanted to try to convey the sense of the wreckage of my dreams up there.... but in restrospect perhaps this does not work the way I wanted it to, even though it avoids the many star based clichés. In the end I have opted for "star-crossed" as an alternative despite its Romeo and Juliet origins since it better conveys my meaning. Hopefully it works. Anyway thanks for the help, it is very encouraging to have some positive and helpful criticism. I will listen to your reading

My very best wishes
Keith

author comment

This is a wonderful ovation for a loved one, honest and straightforward as scripted in many a beutiful emoting line. Thanks for posting.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

The write is grand, the lady who is something to behold , there yet out of reach, sounds like a love story from a distance, held as I have to, a memory of a touch and closeness of minds that never fades as time here passes..
Loved it totally, so much feeling in there,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

'Star crossed' Is much worse, almost plagiarism. There is a word that appeared in your subconscious, which sounds like 'wrecked', I can't quite place it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

You have a point :-). I will just revert to a simpler image of crowded. All the best Keith

author comment
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