Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Reflection (November's Contest)

Do you believe in God, or two or three,
of life after death, of resurrection,
such issue of to be or not to be
you need to consider, with reflection.

Has big-Bang really found the universe,
and magically settled the galaxies,
and all the details, well-shaped, and diverse,
Have they been found by mere feigned theories?

No Man, in short, would shape the smallest pest,
Nor let the sun to set or rise from east.
The Man can't let the fish in seas deep rest.
Or gift the earth with rain, oh! What a treat!

Think you, who put every thing in order?
That's perfectly framed and sharply bordered.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

at a difficult form. Here is my take on your work.

I took the liberty of rearranging the first stanza so that the rhythm is a little smoother.

In life after death and resurrection
there's issue of to be or not to be
That has to have an honest reflection
Some believe in God, some in two or three

You have a couple of other issues with the number of syllables.

In the second stanza, you have one too many syllables in line one. I suggest that you delete one of the [Bangs],
to make it work. [Most anyone who knows the theory of the
"Big Bang" will understand what you mean].

The third line in stanza two, doesn't rhyme. [I can only suggest that you use the word worse or [worst] in near rhyme to craft a line that fits.

The second line in the third stanza could be measured to say: " having the sun, rising up in the east".

The third line of the fourth stanza could read:
"Man cannot let fish in deep oceans rest".

Try a different line for the last line of the fourth; it doesn't seem reasonable. [Fathers DO gift moms with babies, is what most people will think]. Which will slow down the absorption of the poem.

The last two lines give a context that summarizes the poem. Nice lines!

Sorry if it seems a lot, but I do like the theme and it is workable. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I haven't been active a long time, so this is the most serious work in a while. l admit that I rushed this one for the contest and yes it needs some tweeks here and there.

I almost agree with the half of dozen points you've suggested (grins) though not too much with the rearrangement of the first stanza.

But I'll sure look into your suggestions and see how can I fix this one.
Can't thank you enough
Appreciate your time really!
Later

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Rula a nice piece that isn't really in iambic pentameter you can get away with a couple of changes in metre but a sonnet should be primarily iambic Pentameter

unstressed and stressed syllables 5 pairs
Doing a scansion on your first stanza you have:

some be lieve/ in God /some in two/ or three
anapest / iamb / anapest / iamb
in the life / after/ death and/ resur/rection....11 syllables
anapest / iamb/ trochee /trochee / trochee
That's an is/sue of /to be / or not /to be,...11 syllables
anapest / pyrhhic / iamb /iamb / iamb
that has / to have/ an hon/est ref/ lection.
iamb / iamb / iamb / pyrhhic / trochee

You need to rethink some words to increase your iambs.

Working on it
Thanks for the the time and the effort you put scanning this piece Samary

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Whereas Frost and others have suggested All poetry in English is iambic. It might have some relevance but I certainly would not make it a law or fact. I have written many sonnets as others totally not iambic.
I am a traditionalist in poetry in many ways as form is pushed to limits. But not that a sonnet be iambic and in 5 accents. If so how do we have great symphonies in 3 or 5 movements, and all the rest?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.