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Reflection

Submitted by Hon on Tue, 2023-02-14 11:55

Reflection of own inner voice
Hear me through with the justice
And spare me the understanding
Of the true value of a great freedom
To find its peace purpose
To overcome with a carry of a burden
To seek justice is coming through
With the prevalence of unity
Through the darkness of time
To conquer with fear
That no harm is done
To champion what we feel
For what justice is standing for
That humanity is one truly precious kind
So let the reflection of own inner voice
To be heard and carry on as life goes on
With harmony and peace, we stay survive
Among the share of our brotherhood and sisterhood
To be united one on this planet
For the peace and sake of us mankind
Together we will soar and rise
Until we will be free
For the prosperity that it comes to see

Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week February 12th to February 18th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Seren

Tue, 2023-02-14 12:19

Seren's picture

This is deep and speaks of a love for justice, humanity and peace. This is lovely. You have written a wonderful poem.

I only have one suggestion this line feels awkward and I think a little tweak that'd be the only thing I can see that may need changing. As always it's up to you its your creation.

To overcome with a carry of a burden

I would have had;

To overcome the carrying of a burden

Well done hon!

Kindest regards Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-02-14 20:12

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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It’s very powerful without being overtly so. Sort of some interesting choices on wording too.

Tim

Geezer

Fri, 2023-02-17 13:18

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that you have come upon a great truth here. We, [humanity as a whole] should step back and look at ourselves as a species
that is on the verge of extinction. We have to work together and focus on getting it right, otherwise, at this stage of the game, we are lost; there is nowhere else to go. I have the feeling that we can figure it out. Good job, Geezer.
.

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