Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Red wagon of nothing (October Contest)

There are days when even poetry is unneeded
the rendering of magic in rhythm, superfluous
the magic subsides, appearances are opaque
and the psyche has no energy to dive in
to the true workings of it all
these are days for only presence

example
there is a little red wagon headed somewhere
by itself on a track, in my dream
red is power, passion, wagon’s moving, a journey
my life is a constant rising and sinking of a heart that aches with longing for devotion and surrender into the arms of loving communion, into the arms of a lover

except this time, upon waking
there is no reason to reflect
on what this mystery might mean
and the day rolls on, uncaring
content to take in what is seen

sometimes waking life is so quite satisfying
it needs nothing but itself
eyes open in touch with the universe
and there is no trying to squeeze it in verse

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
There is a subtle art in balancing intense awareness and introspection with equanimity and detachment
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is one I'll have to come back a few
times, but because of the way it tastes
when spoken aloud ... indeed.

Dear moonman,

When you do come back to it, I would be pleased to hear your thoughts - how does the taste change?

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

red is power, ====passion,
wagon’s moving,
a journey====sojourn
wow what adorable lines
If this is for the contest red wagon
then you may remark it as

''OCTOBER Contest'' in the Heading
as is needed for all to know in the stream
ask scribbler stan you may
And that themoonman
has been the first one to read
feel blessed he speaks far too less
a wonderful moon in a life of years
like the Blue moon
is he
thank him will ye

... for your title suggestion - updated. Why sometimes we speak less when we feel the most - it happens to me, too.
I am glad you liked these verses.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

I can't be like
even a peacock's tail to
yours two upcoming ones

your poetry is ULTRA
modern
mine will be like ancient
so I will bask
in my last month's
Stan's BLOGS
HON MENTION
and
see progress of younger generation

youth and younger ones
must take over
and
release us to relay
in the red wagon's
as in olden times
oldies did also play
ere their progeny
did them finally lay
Just pray!

A beautifully and artiscally crafted poem Steph.ania.

I am glad you enjoyed it.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

An excellent write and the lovers dream is kept alive, great feelings that are between the lines, just a thought away.
As you say somethings never need words, there we have a problem as we must make words of something as simple as a lovers touch.
I see I am going to have a job writing for the October Comp lol
Take care loved the write, Yours Ian.x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I am sure some inspiration will strike you and you'll get the 'job' done haha. I wrote this one in 15 minutes, for the contest - can't wait to read yours!

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

We about tied on the speed writing, all my new ones are written here at night and time is limited but I never have a problem except with "Punk U Ation" he's a mean devil lol.
Take care and at last we have a happy Spirit in our midst.
Yours as always, Ian. x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I wish you the best in this contest

When I first read this poem, I was thinking to myself, "How could she be so truthful?" Lol. But that's it, sometimes (if not all the time) you do not need to induce art. It should come out when you feel it communing with you. Thanks for sharing.

will you would be an inspiration true

This reminds me of "The Red Wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams in a good way!

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

That "so much" that depends upon the wheelbarrow, or the wagon in the case of your poem, doesn't always have to be said.

Good luck with the contest,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.