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RED

RED for Clara Bow (July 29, 1905 – September 27, 1965)

by Ron

In the daylight incognito
In the twilight hollow glow
In the nightime burning brightly
as it has since long ago
-
-
In the big and sprawling structure
dusty antique overture
aught but bedroom still is vital
living lonely, clean and pure
-
-a Canyon cashier steps outside
lights cig in a safe place to hide
there's a fire in the hills beside
to the smoking site, he will ride
-
-
wrangling on Laurel Canyon dark
these childhood roads bringing a spark
a story heard as a young boy
an actress crying in the dark
-
-
At driveway the fire overdrives
overgrown snarl of trees survives
the fire leaps forth as leave daggers
and stops the second he arrives
-
-
All the boarded doors and windows
shed their captors an easy throw
as the front door creaks wide open
the boy knows where he has to go
-
-
through the window the house is clean
a mansion unlike he had seen
then upstairs he hears the music
he says hello, far from serene

At the window the candle flares
brighter flame as he nears the stairs
at the top a shadow forming
a pure white dress is what she wears
-
-
'I'm sorry ma'am' the boy stutters
'I saw a fire'....'shhhh' she utters
'travel with me kind child up here'
heart rate climbs from beats to flutters
-
-
He sees many pictures lining
staircase in the weakened shining
smells of angels musk beside him
in the door she rests reclining
-
-
'You saw my light, that's very rare'
her husky voice smiled into air
'could you love one as hurt as me?'
'You're beautiful' all he could share
-
-
She smiles and asks him to come close
He shuffles over to this rose
the graceful beauty, deepest eyes
he joins her in her chaste repose
-
-
'Scott', she inquires her face downturned
'How did you know my name?' he yearned
'I've been waiting so long for you'
She tells him as her tears fall churned
-
-
'Now you know the truth my sweet one'
'the rest is you could leave and run'
please stay you've asked nothing of me
only you darling, you're the one'
-
-
Scott missed not a single more day
cradled her his lips gently lay
she met his kiss and his embrace
azure tears, alabaster sway
-
-
'That's it, you do love me' she smiled
'I..always will' Scott says beguiled
another you before but still'
'you remembered the goal my pride'
-
-
She walked with him down hand in hand
at the open door stopped to stand
the candle fluttered twice then out
Scott hugged her, kissed the promised land
-
-
Scott went back the following day
the windows and doors boarded, grey
an agent said 'can I help you?'
'I thought.....she must have gone away'
-
-
'afraid not, this is long shut down'
'decades before I came to town.'
do you know a Scott Manion?'
'That's me, he says, 'that you have found'
-
-
strange the studio just found this'
she holds a parchment pape bliss
names you owner of her estate'
' did you know her well? 'she insists
-
-
'I loved her and was there for her'
others simply saw disaster'
'we shared one night and kissed so strong'
'I still feel those lips so tender'
-
-
'Well, Scott I'm not sure what you mean'
'but sign and soon you must be seen'
'at the office to sign the deed'
'the house is sound, we've kept it clean'
-
-
Scott lived there from that very day
packed and painted, every way
then one day he started to go
he saw the white note on his way
-
-
' love released from loneliness so'
'I could find peace, finally go'
'I can still visit with your will
'My love, savior, yours, Clara Bow
-
-
-

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I hope you enjoy! longform narrative (storytelling in verse). Iambic quatameter.
Editing stage: 

Comments

A really lovely story put to poetic ways, at first I struggled with the writing and then things became clear, so maybe the first part needs attention.
Loved the story though it was endless, could it be the house that hods the secret of being there when not will Scott after he has passed over find those lips again, then the story starts.
Ground hog Day, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I appreciate the criticism.

Ron
BlueDemon77

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

Kind of hoped this would be a beautiful Gothic ghost story, something is lacking.

Ron Woodruff

Blue Demon77

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

dwarfed mind..
sorry but must be
scary

loved

Well, imo, though you did a good job in the rhyming venue, is that really your forte?

Maybe an exercise (exorcize?) could be rewriting sans rhyme?

~A

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