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Recreant

Why did your ghost remind
me of what you looked like?

Why did it sneak up on me,
unwanted
(yet still honestly desired)
in the morning?

That was rude,
my friend who lingers
on the fringes
of my sanity.

It was unfair
for you to come
like rain unannounced,
to stir up a storm
of thoughts
that flock in rebellion
of my chosen occupation,
all the while singing your name
ad nauseam.

You're more stubborn
silent than in song,
or I am mad,
and the voices that I hear
are nothing but my own,
formless dreams.

I should have flushed
them down the toilet long ago;
Now they keep vigil by my bedside:

The harmony is sweetest
with two hands playing;

It's a shame you shall
not see this too.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This write rather reminds one of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" with its formless ghost appearing and wreaking havoc on the subjects' sanity! A very readable piece with lots of good imagery!

I noticed that halfway through the poem...though this is a ghost of a very different kind. Thanks for reading :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

A strong dark write. I thought you need to check the placement of the comas especially before 'and' and after 'rude' as it a bit disturbs the read.
I especially liked the word usage in:

"It was unfair
for you to come
like rain unannounced,
to stir up a storm
of thoughts
that flock in rebellion
of my chosen occupation,
all the while singing your name
ad nauseam."
very effective indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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have been noted. I specifically wanted pauses where I paced the commas...that is how I read the poem. But thanks for pointing that out.

I also liked that stanza. It summarized the entire point of the poem.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

Works either way.

Very well written.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

It's an allegory. Thanks for reading Jess :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

One of your better writes, solid with loads of meaning,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

This is excellent and stands as is without further suggestion etc. I liked the conversational tone of it

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I appreciate your reading this

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

I really enjoyed your poem. I think the title suits it and each stanza adds a special piece of imagery or word choice to the total effect of the poem (this is a good thing; not a single stanza seems superfluous). If I could make a suggestion, the lines "unwanted, (yet still honestly desired)" were confusing to me.

When I read parenthesis I read them as a whisper. So in this stanza, I hear the narrator whispering their true feelings. It works to show how the narrator feels like they must be initially dishonest for whatever reason, but I think there is still too much of a contradiction with "unwanted", if that makes sense. I think "unwarranted" might work better, but the change is up to you. I hope you don't mind my suggestion; it is just what made sense to me.

I think the poem is full of great lines and my tiny recommended change isn't going to transform the poem substantially because it's already rather wonderful. The blend of something scary or dark with something romantic definitely appeals to me.

Thanks!

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