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REBORN

I suddenly came to be
me
an individual
some say unique among myriad
white brethren

Having no religion or direction
I drift in a seeming random route
only connecting with others
by short -lived accident
from which I rebound

The short duration of

my brief lifetime

spirals slowly

inevitably

down

Until at last my beauty crashes
as I join my fellows who fell before me
and mingle with others once unique
in an ephemeral blanket
of a southern snow fall

which melts

leaving me free to evaporate
rise
and reform into another
Snowflake

( A voyage outside my usual style .........scribbler)

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hmmm... I thought it would become obvious at the end that I was writing about a snowflake and comparing it to an isolated individual. An example of my weak free verse skills I guess...............stan

author comment

the fault may well be in this poem and not the reader.......................stan

author comment

You scribble one to one

i don;t mind

if you scribble for every two
i see of u

but do scrbble at once

will this favour to me

do
would you!

loved

I like this piece. it's a fine piece. I have had to read somethings many times to catch the drift
thinking there was something wrong with the piece....then whoa! I get it, it was there all the time
I misread it initially, or started with preconceptions. This is not the fault of the writer. This did not happen on this piece, for me. but I suppose it could have. Again, even if someone doesn't get it at first, it is not neccessarily the fault of the writer. I appreciate your modesty in response to Rosina's first comments, but you are not unskilled in freeform.

Al

I write little enough free form as to not be very confident in it. I also expect my initial title may have added to a reader's confusion. I felt this deeply enough to change a title only the second time in my over 200 writes. Thank you for your confidence boosting comment.................scribbler

author comment

Upon further review the ruling on the field is overturned lol. I will delete "just " due to popular demand, but being a stubborn type guy I will wait a bit before changing much else. I appreciate your taking the time to read, consider, and comment on this.......scribbler

author comment

the above reply is also directed your way.I will be glad when site is back to full function as I use form even more than this in most of my rare free verse writes. Thanks for visiting....................scribbler

author comment

I am hardly a philosopher, as am too lazy to climb to a mountain top lol..................stan

author comment

Bit like the water cycle only snow! I think - but cleverly done. Each snowflake is unique

Until at last my beauty crashes
as I join my fellows who fell before me
and mingle with others once unique
in an ephemeral blanket
of a southern snow fall

I enjoyed this little journey - look forward to more.

Brilliant Stan

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

You remember my poem "Cycler "? Unbelievable. Always good to be visited by you.................stan

author comment
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