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The Reason I Smile
You might ask me
The reason I smile today
Let me flaunt it a little
I’m wearing the smile that
You put on my face.
Wondering, I’m amazed by
Your haughty grace.
So many unforgettable hours
Squeezed in between
The hands of a clock. They raced
Past us fast, Tick Tick Tock!
Now, in my fondest of
Memories you lay. Robust with
Attitude, that lovely sway and a
Rocking laughter. All of it
I pray you would keep
As you, with you forever.
Don’t get me wrong. Your
Wildly ruthless and chaotic
choice of music too, nonsensical
In an absolute sense, lurks not
In oblivion.
Prayers from the core of my heart
And from the heart of that core
Reach our for you, ma Cherie.
May you remain blessed and
Happy for a time spanned by
Eternity.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Marthalyn
Tue, 2019-07-02 10:41
Stunning
The beginning of your poem perked my interest immediately. It was likely because I recognized another woman's voice expressing her joy and love. Your words seemed to follow your heart eloquently, and the ending gave me a reason to smile. My critique here is that I would not change a thing.
Respectfully,
Sabeehah
Tue, 2019-07-02 19:13
Thank you Marthalyn for your
Thank you Marthalyn for your review.
I had written this poem as a birthday present to my cousin sister. So she is the subject of this poem. I hope i’ve managed to deliver this message.
I’m thoroughly encouraged by your comment and look forward to more writing
Regards
S.f.sabeehah
S.f.sabeehah
author commentSabeehah
Tue, 2019-07-02 19:17
Thank you Mark for your
Thank you Mark for your review.
I had composed this poem to gift my cousin sister on her birthday. So she is pretty much the subject of the poem. I hope the message is delivered to the audience well.
I meant to say
“ reach out for you”
I do feel encouraged to write more. Thanking you again,
S.f.sabeehah
S.f.sabeehah
author commentPatricia
Tue, 2019-07-02 19:14
I agree with the others
This is a great poem and I loved it but I thought it was written by a man , sorry bout that. I wasn't going to review it because I didn't think I could do it justice. The others before me have said just about everything. Thanks for a great read.
B9Pat