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Realization

Submitted by Race_9togo on Sun, 2010-11-21 17:43

With always busy life
from every side defiled
by those whom unending strife
took to new lows of sin reviled

I suddenly realized
their cold antipathy
successful living demonized
was nothing but a bleak facsimile
of the human psyche unraveled.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Newsletter contest poem.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2010-11-21 21:12

realization

This will be a hard one to beat in the contest. Good luck.......stan

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-22 03:08

Thanks Stan

I don't usually enter contests, but that line intrigued me.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-22 03:08

LOL

Thanks Shirl.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

judyanne

Mon, 2010-11-22 03:59

that line had me stumped

great job jim
i really like this - i was compelled to read it over and over and i 'got' more each time....
cheers
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-22 11:53

I was a little lost myself, trying to figure out a meaning I could build something around. I must have read the line a dozen times before I figured one out. I don't know why, but it just grabbed me, and demanded some words. I wasn't going to enter it into the newsletter contest - I dislike competition - but then I thought well, why not?
I'm pleased that you enjoyed it so much.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-22 11:55