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Reality

Submitted by Tifco on Tue, 2018-04-17 19:42

I am me because you are you.
My eyes are brown
because yours are blue.
I use my left hand
because you use your right.
If it wasn't for darkness
there would be no light.
If it wasn't for space
there would be no form.
Death would not exist
if life wasn't the norm.
By now I hope we're beginning see.
That we depend on otherness for our reality.
So never scorn your neighbor
treat everyone as a friend.
Be for them a safe harbor.
For our existence is inseparable from them.
Tifco

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Sparrow

Wed, 2018-04-18 04:00

Tifco

Welcome to Neopoet, and I hope your walk with us, will be of learning, and realisation, that in small parts of the world there are like minded people..
I love your Beliefs and as a spiritualist of sorts try to give unconditional love to all I meet.
Your poem depict a state of being, also a way of being part of the whole, it is a pity it is so short.
I look forward to more of your writes.
I notice that you are 4 years older than me so you are the father of the hose..
Go well and let others see that inner self,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Geezer

Wed, 2018-04-18 12:25

I shall add...

my welcome to those of the Sparrow and mark. I like the the theme that all of us are the reason and being for everything else. You rhyme and near rhyme well, and hope to see you posting more.
Now, as to critique; I would like to see you trim the last line of the poem. How about "Our existence depends on them?" I think it smooths it out just a little. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tifco

Thu, 2018-04-19 03:02

Thanks and I agree so lt has

Thanks and I agree so lt has been changed.

author comment

trekker

Wed, 2018-04-18 13:50