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Reaching To

I love.
I need.
I want.
I see.
I come.
I greet.
I smile.
I breath.
I move.
I feel.
I lean.
...
I shake.
I wake.
I watch.
You pass.
I can't.
Talk.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I know it's not too good. I'm just starting out but I would appreciate critisim to help me improve.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to Neopoet workshop,

I see that it's someone you can't speak to out of fear or self-confidence.
You just need to paint a picture with your words so I can see it in the screen of my mind. make me feel what you fee
You love, but what
You need, but what
and so on.
show me the inner part of this your feeling so that I can feel them.
I suggest you join one of our workshops, they are very enlightening for the beginner poet/writer
read some of the poems here so you can get ideas, comment on the poems and ask questions when you don't understands. We are all here to learn. Most of all enjoy and have fun painting poems with your words

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

For my I think your acronym, abbreviated name, should read TNT cause for me - this was magic!
Love the abbreviation, the clarity and the minimalism of it all!
Keep writing...
Regards
NS

what is with all of the "I"'s
remove them and you get a list of just words that make no sense at all
come now I am sure you can do far better!
would you care to try this as a suggestion

remove the I's
take what is left and form a meaningful poem from the list of thoughts

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

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