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Random challenge 3, (children's poem)

Submitted by Obadiah Grey on Fri, 2021-05-28 13:17

Kangawhattsitt.

In the shade of a Bongo Bongo tree
sits a leopard with no spots,
he's accompanied by his brothers three
who are peppered through with dot's,

The poor little chap is rather down
wondering why he's beigey brown
with not a spot or dot in sight
his future maybe -- not so bright,

Alas on the Serengeti plain
where spotted dotted leopard reign
a beigey brown,, no just won't do,,
looks much too much -- like a kangaroo, !!

Obi.

Last few words: 
This has passed muster and been given a two thumbs up by Emily, aged seven n half!!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Arrow

Fri, 2021-05-28 13:27

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I love children's poetry. It flows well. Has the "wait for it"! ending (like a kangaroo!). For me the only trouble spot is the flow of line 4. Maybe "peppered through and through with dots" or something else where the syllable stress better matches line 2. Great use of different rhyme in stanzas, internal rhyme, repetition, and a little alliteration (beige-y brown). Nice job! No wonder it passed muster.

Obadiah Grey

Fri, 2021-05-28 13:44

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Yup. Your suggestion has been pilfered, thanks!
btw, children's poetry is where it begins, eyes wide and all that..
Obi.

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2021-05-29 05:46

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The rest have said it! I do like it and I can see how a seven-year-old would like it. Easy to remember words and rhythm.
~ Geez.
.

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Obadiah Grey

Sun, 2021-05-30 00:31

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Hiya chaps, thanks for the advice, and for stopping by to read. Its appreciated.

Obi.

author comment

Dalton

Thu, 2021-09-30 16:22

Spike Milligan would be weeping with joy. Really is too sophisticated for children's rhyme a humourous but well turned phrase

scribbler

Tue, 2021-10-05 00:07

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Yep the leopard is not always known by its spots!

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