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Random challenge 3, (children's poem)

Kangawhattsitt.

In the shade of a Bongo Bongo tree
sits a leopard with no spots,
he's accompanied by his brothers three
who are peppered through with dot's,

The poor little chap is rather down
wondering why he's beigey brown
with not a spot or dot in sight
his future maybe -- not so bright,

Alas on the Serengeti plain
where spotted dotted leopard reign
a beigey brown,, no just won't do,,
looks much too much -- like a kangaroo, !!

Obi.

Last few words: 
This has passed muster and been given a two thumbs up by Emily, aged seven n half!!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love children's poetry. It flows well. Has the "wait for it"! ending (like a kangaroo!). For me the only trouble spot is the flow of line 4. Maybe "peppered through and through with dots" or something else where the syllable stress better matches line 2. Great use of different rhyme in stanzas, internal rhyme, repetition, and a little alliteration (beige-y brown). Nice job! No wonder it passed muster.

Yup. Your suggestion has been pilfered, thanks!
btw, children's poetry is where it begins, eyes wide and all that..
Obi.

author comment

The rest have said it! I do like it and I can see how a seven-year-old would like it. Easy to remember words and rhythm.
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Hiya chaps, thanks for the advice, and for stopping by to read. Its appreciated.

Obi.

author comment

Spike Milligan would be weeping with joy. Really is too sophisticated for children's rhyme a humourous but well turned phrase

Yep the leopard is not always known by its spots!

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