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rains of relief

Here I lie
With my eye
sewn upon
the silky
sun satin
sky .
Waiting
for the clouds
to clash,
kick and
finally cry .
Letting
It’s pitter
patter pellets
of pain. To
fall down
with the
morning
rains of relief.

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Nice images! I can see the silky-satin sun, waiting for the clouds to clash. ~ Geezer.
.

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.

please consider doing this piece in couplets, for example:

Here I lay with my eye sewn
upon the silky sun satin sky .

Waiting for the clouds to clash,
kick, and finally cry .

Letting It’s pitter-patter pellets
of pain

To fall down with the morning rains
of relief.

it just seems to me that if written in this that there would be significantly more emphasis on the pain and relief part.

And this is just my opinion, don't mean to offend a'tall.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Good take, ray.
Much better.

Obi.

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

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