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Rain and You (Sonnet No. 3)

~ RAIN AND YOU (Sonnet No. 3) ~
From a Trilogy of English Sonnets)

The sun is fully shining, fulgent now;
The warmth of the day is felt in the air.
The outdoor world will beckon me, and how!
Rainbow treasure lucent from everywhere.

Will soon I see you to brighten my light
Or are you to remain hidden away?
Should I surmise to think you maybe, might,
Accompany me out, about, this day?

Then all of a sudden now here you are
Smiling kindly, your exiting rose charm;
Glowing brighter than the brightest night star,
Come walk with me, come and take my right arm.

Walk along with me and display your grace:
Keep your body near ere I kiss your face.

ASJ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The third and final, Sonnet No. 3 of my 'Rain and You' trilogy of English sonnets
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love the plain honesty of your profile and will be sure to read your works from first postings, so this is not a good place to start.

It befits a person giving critique to describe their own qualifications and prides and prejudices (I just watched the 2005 move of "Pride and Prejudice" with Keira Knightley, Matthew Macfadyen, last night), I have an MA in Poetry and Film but... well... https://www.neopoet.com/weirdelf

FMD, I'm an Aussie and feel free to express myself in any vocabulary befits so, fuck me dead! That is the only the second time I've seen the word 'fulgent' used and that was by Spike in an episode of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'! You intrigue me sir!

And I really like this poem, doesn't it so put into juxtaposition the American predilection with face sucking?

I will read more of your work but I would like to know what style of critique you wish. Ranging from specific suggestions for word or phrase changing through content and suggestions for research into our 'art and sullen craft'.
Your obedient servant,
Jess Tapper

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

Thank you for visiting and checking out my profile. Well! how much I look forward to receiving critique from you. I hope you like my stuff, I am really old fashioned and love olde worlde speak. You sound like a man who cares passionately about poetry so I am pleased that you have noticed my things.
I am setting about reading your work to see how much it differs from mine ~ A great deal I'm guessing.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

That could be a problem, I'm a shithead. [grins] A ratbag.
But seriously, I write mostly freeform which often ends up both rhyming and metrical.
Why?
It is such a cliche, mate, but it is because I learned all the 'rules' of poetry in order to break them.

I seldom write a sonnet or villanelle from intention but some turn out that way. You get me drift?

One thing we definitely share is a passion for the beauty and range of the English language. I look forward to working with you. We no longer have a 'Mentors' program because it became apparent that anyone willing to learn has something to offer.

My next stop is "THE HARMONIOUS SEASONS" and if I make a small suggestion from the outset, there is no need to put your titles all in caps, in fact it looks a bit pretentious. ok?
cheers

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

Sounds like you are singing 'Fairy Tale of New York' Jess (great song). I see what you mean about capitals in titles, thanks for that. If you read my stuff and don't like feel free to kick me wherever you choose ~ I will respect you for that (the sting don't last long but the sincerity lasts forever, ex animo).
I look forward to your company.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

But I have found I can add a drop of kindness without losing any of the honesty I'm known for.
Oh, it might still sting a bit, honesty often does that.

I mentioned I like your profile, I wish everyone would give us so much. Totally relate to "When people ask why I need so many I tell them that I intend to sell them when I grow up."

Read Kipling's 'The Way Through The Woods' and can see I need to revisit Kipling. (oh dear, my reading list already extends well into the next century)

Listened to The Pogues (I wonder how many people know it means "kiss my arse") song and yes, I see what you mean.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

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