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The Queen's Diamond Jubilee

THE QUEEN'S DIAMOND JUBILEE part1 by Ian Thomson
I stared at the telly, the announcer stared back,
Then shouted "Don't move!" Nearly had heart attack
Whispered "Talking to me? - you must be, I'm alone."
He said " You must rescue our Queen and her throne."

The story he told me was strange and quite true.
About a Witch, Bumface, from South Timbuktu.
This evil old woman, all snotty and smelly,
Black magicked good people, trapped them in their telly.

This Wicked Old Witch, like a jet-propelled crash,
From TV to TV like lightning she'd flash
Anything that was loved was sucked into the Telly,
How she laughed, wobbling warts like school dinner jelly.

The children lost kittens, all fluffy and warm.
They lost little puppies, please come to no harm
But in Jubilee year, the Witch caused such a scene,
From Buckingham Palace she'd sucked in the Queen!

The Queen had her telly on, speech memorising
When the Witch appeared in the screen, very surprising,
The Queen said "Have you been security cleared?"
The Witch sucked her cheeks in - the Queen disappeared!

So the powers that be, in the old BBC
Had no clue what to do, so they contacted me,
For I'd fought a great battle with Witches before,
They thought I had won, but I wasn't so sure.

When the Queen reappeared, to ecstatic applause,
It didn't fool me, for I knew what had caused
The wise Royal Corgis to run from the palace,
This wasn't the Queen, but a Witch full of malice.........

The Queen's Diamond Jubilee (part 2)

The Witch had control of the people, poor things,
She made them catch butterflies - pull off their wings.
Then feed them to spiders, her favourite pets,
(This gave them such nightmares that nobody slept.)

Every house in the land had a Telly or two,
From their screens spied the Witch, but nobody knew.
She noted their names (if some people had moans)
Sent the army around, threw them out of their homes.

I saw what was happening, made me get mad.
But how could I beat her, when she was so BAD.
I thought and I thought, with my brain near exploding
Then thought a bit more, for a plan was unfolding....

It was the Queen's birthday, so Bumface, the Witch
Was ready to play the part, thought she'd get rich.
By stealing the presents that came for the Queen
The Witch would have diamonds and gold and ice - cream!

I drove to the palace with box of pure gold.
"Use this," I told Bumface, "You'll never look old."
The powder inside the box, she thought was magic,
Shook it over her face, but for her it was tragic,

For the powder was really a very strong pepper,
Where it covered her face, gave her spots like a leopard
But most of it snorted right up her big nose
She gave a huge sneeze and her head did EXPLODE.

The Witch's head did have some brains (not a lot)
But most of it seemed to be filled with green snot.
Her body collapsed down a drain for a grave
With laughter and song the Queen's people were saved

Then from every telly the pets jumped back out
Puppies and kittens madly running about
The last to be freed, waving to cheering crowds,
THE QUEEN, singing badly "Knees up Mother Brown."

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Outstanding Tam, a really great poem. I loved it. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I hope you continue to enjoy these outpourings of a tiny mind.
Thanks for the encouragement.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

she will absolutely have a great time . I shall be waiting for part 2 ..

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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have just noticed this is for the work shop .

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thanks, Rula, I guess the Queen has got better things to do than read this. Glad you liked it.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

is this exercise 3?

whatever, it is so entertaining that i forgot to look at the rhyme scheme - lol - but i am sure you have cheated yet again ian (bloody irish lol)

but i don't care - all i have to say is i hope you intend to give us the rest of the story

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

cos this is just your masterful hand at rhyming couplets in action, with wit and storytelling. I like the subtext too.

I've seen you do far more inventive things with internal rhyme and half-rhyme in other poems you didn't submit to this workshop.

Who gives a fuck? I love it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thanks, Jess, your opinion is a strong source of education and encouragement.

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

but check it out - the first two lines are typo-ed something cronic lol

i like the changes you have made for the rhythm/scansion
can i offer some more suggestions

‘Anything that was loved was sucked into the Telly,
How she laughed, wobbling warts like school dinner jelly.’
- ‘Anything loved sucked into the Telly,
she laughed, wobbling warts like school dinner jelly.’

‘But in Jubilee year, the Witch caused such a scene’ - lose either the ‘but’ or the ‘in’, and the ‘such’
- ‘But Jubilee year, the Witch caused a scene’

‘When the Witch appeared in the screen, very surprising’ ‘
- ‘when witch’s face filled the screen, very surprising ?’

‘So the powers that be, in the old BBC
Had no clue what to do, so they contacted me,
For I'd fought a great battle with Witches before,’
- ‘So powers that be, in the old BBC
no clue what to do, they contacted me,
I'd fought a great battle with Witches before,’

‘Shook it over her face, but for her it was tragic,
- ‘on her face she smeared it – oh dear it was tragic’

I so love
‘I thought and I thought, with my brain near exploding
Then thought a bit more, for a plan was unfolding.’

and
‘The Witch's head did have some brains (not a lot)
But most of it seemed to be filled with green snot.’
lol lol lol lol

and since the workshop is really rhyme crimes not rhythm times lol
of course your rhyme is fantastic as per the one and only tam

I so enjoyed this
thank you
love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Finally catching up with acknowledging my friends who took their welcome expertise and gave me some food for thought. I am so glad you liked my effort and took the time to analyse it. You were right about the typo, don't know how that happened. The other points I may have to fall back on the old defence of dialect. Try reading it like Billy Connelly in "BRAVE" LOL.
Thank you for caring.

Love
Ian xxxx

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment
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