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A Quatern.. The Dauntless Heart

It's great to have a dauntless heart,
a one that's filled with lots of hopes,
it always gives your life a start,
when overcomes the crucial slopes.

As life sustains a running peril
It's great to have a dauntless heart
to bravely lash its dangers-feral
that is a pretty real art.

This life is quite the biggest mart,
to trade in good and bad forever.
It's great to have a dauntless heart,
and get the best purchases ever.

Enough! Now snipe that witty chance or
you'd never win a real tart.
Assail your goals and be so proud for
it's great to have a dauntless heart.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

a great repeating line rula
and a great quatern imo

as said previously, we don’t have to be ‘perfect’ with the meter in French poetry, but as, in this shop, we are practicing it, I will just point out the lines that are out in scansion – and a couple are out in feet as well

is - n't | that a | pre - tty | real art
This life | is quite | a ve | ry big | mart
you'd nev- | ver  win | a real | tart

- I love the choice of your repeated descending line - ‘it's great to have a dauntless heart’ and also your use of feminine lines throughout, they are well placed

love judy
xxx

 

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

First : a lovely new avatar and to be honest I asked my self that same question you've stated in your profile LOL (we ladies!)-I like the profile's new look too-:)

Back to the quantern

I parse real as two syllables http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/real

And for a perfect meter , what do you think if I change into

is - n't | that a | pre - tty | real art
That is| a pre|tty re| al art

This life | is quite | a ve | ry big | mart
This life| is quite| the bigg|est mart

you'd nev- | ver  win | a real | tart
and again this is right on the meter if real is parsed as re/al 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

ok – I checked my dictionary – re•al [ree-uhl, reel]
it is one of those words we can use either way -

and ‘this life is quite the biggest mart’ works well

nice write
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

for the time. Appreciated.:)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

You are a brave lady and try quite a few of the poetic forms, this one seems to have been made harder. It does not have to be iambic or follow a set rhyme scheme.
To me that is good and makes it easier to write, one written just earlier by Joann Grisetti in "Poetry Soup" if you would like to see them there.
The rhyme is vague and the whole piece is good to read, I hope this is of use to you.
You worry so much young lady, I think that your endeavours are exceptional and your output is one of the tops at Neopoet,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

sorry, but i have to re-iterate to you that this is a workshop, and one on fixed form at that, in which we have set the standard to use meter - therefore rula does have to follow meter

- which, by the way, she has

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Sorry for coming in, it was just that the general form for the quatern is loose.
But as you say it is a workshop where you have requested the correct form be used and I think Rula has become an exceptional student,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for the great words. I appreciate your care and your kindness but I don't want you to worry. You know I am learning, We all do , in one way or another. So I don't really worry if I can't make my meter 100% from the first attempt. Yes it is hard sometimes to follow certain forms but it is always nice to try new forms and things . It is a bit challanging and I like it especially when you have some good teachers around. It is not always available.
Again thank you. I like it when I feel your concerns.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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