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Purify

Submitted by Heartfelt on Wed, 2018-06-06 19:33

Blue Skies black to night
the devil and God must fight
Silver streaks of light
man runs and hides in pure fright
Rain washes away the blight

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I'm working on my style. I'd like to become a better poet and learn the various styles of writing while holding on to my voice.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

tyro

Fri, 2018-06-08 12:24

I like this very much, but I like abstract poems. One point though, all the lines end with a soft, hard tone, but line four end with a hard, hard tone "pure fright" is the adjective, pure, really necessary,

In these types of poems its always the last line that engages most thought, and your last line does the trick.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

lovedly

Fri, 2018-06-08 12:55

lovedly's picture

man runs and hides in pure fright.....

perhaps
.......in broad daylight

kindly view

Heartfelt

Sat, 2019-04-13 19:35

Heartfelt's picture

thanks, I usually go with what comes to mind. I edit only to cut out unnecessary wordiness grammatical errors. If I have a thought, in a haiku, or other Japanese type poems I usually go with it. To change my wording would be to change my complete thought pattern.

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