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PUDDLE SPLASHER

Let the warm rain fall on me
and wash the grime of time away
while bringing back the memory
of childhood days and running free.

Of splasing through a small freshet
on a warm wet summer day,
no part of me that wasn't wet,
I'd laugh and skip without regret.

Or sail boats in a roadside ditch
the waters red from southern clay
with smell of new rain fresh and rich
while watching home made toy boat pitch.

I remember running through wet clover
as rain would fall and tree tops sway
small bare feet flitting like a plover
until the short shower was over.

But that was then and this is now
the rain still wet, the sky still gray
I now hunch shoulders, almost bow
and hope that I'll stay dry somehow.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 

Comments

experiment with a hard to stick-with rhyming scheme. As usual, I loved the down-home flavor that you always manage to impart, along with the frailties of old men! LOL I relate to this one very well. I too, run, [well, hurry] to keep from getting wet. Used to be, my dad didn't think I had the brains to come in out of the rain, but my mother knew that it was my Native American heritage showing. I enjoyed all the seasons with the abandon of childhood.
Now I think about what should I wear, rather than what could I shed. Thanks for the trip back to childhood! [I'm not sure I ever left it in some respects]. Thanks, ~ Gee

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"frailties of old men".....well they say write what you know lol. In this case I wrote what I remembered And what I now know lmao. I guess we all splashed in the rain as children...........stan

author comment

memories you're sharing here Stan.
I very much enjoyed this read. I am sure you're coming back again
revise where some lines read a bit rough.
 
I always thought you're great in closing your lines, so I rush to read the ending then go back and read LOL

But that was then and this is now
 the rain still wet, the sky still gray
 yet I now lumber like a cow
 and hope that I'll stay dry somehow.

Thanks for sharing .. 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I guess there are many who can't wait for my poems to end lol. And yes, I'll revise as ideas for improvement rattle out of my empty skull. Thanks for dropping by.............stan

author comment

Love this one Stan! It feels different from your other poems. I could imagine a little think bubble above your head as you float off into happy memories. It has a feeling of being special and happy.

I agree with Rula's suggestion - unless I'm missing something.

This is a really good write and I enjoyed reading it.

Keep safe Mand xxxxxx

I'm glad you actually think I Have thought bubbles lol. That "cow" line is niggling at me and will probably be the first thing I change. Although the word cow can refer to both male and female cattle it kinda has a feminine touch doesn't it? Thanks for taking time to visit.............stan

author comment

You still have the ability to splash those puddles and run a swathe through the wet grass in the scattered sunlights dream.
It was lovely to be there again a child that has no worries and loves everything it sees, with unconditional love.
Thank you young man it was a pleasure to splash again and I didn't see any wandering cows in my eyes of dreams,
Yours Ian.T. and I is only 3

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

We used to run through puddles to Get wet and now we do so to Avoid getting wet.......This says something about aging but I'm not sure what lol...............stan

author comment

ur Puddle
I read as Poodle
the end

great man
Stan

not ur fault
my twisted eyes

loved

POODLE splasher? lol. I now visualize a maniac driver in search of french dogs to run over lol. Appreciate your visiting........stan

author comment

appreciation

loved

Flat Packed Poodles LOL

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I could do with some "Flat Packed Poodles" or even
"Fractured Puddles"LOL..
Have yourselves a great day out there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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