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Proverbs of faith
As sweet honeycomb
Pleasant words heal the spirit
Refreshing the soul.
An old proverb re-vamped.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Thu, 2010-12-23 07:22
Hi Shirl
Good to see! All and any help is welcome - I really appreciate your input. "Words Of Faith" sounds good - see how it goes with other suggestions.
Thanks Shirl - your a sweetie!
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2010-12-23 14:01
I really like...
this. It is also one of my favorite forms. I think I might have used a different word than [bones]. Maybe core, or something indicating the center of the body. All in all, a very thought provoking poem. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
mand
Fri, 2010-12-24 06:28
Hello Geezer
Good to see you. Yeh! good idea I'll work on that. I appreciate your imput.
Thanx Geezer!
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentloved
Thu, 2010-12-23 14:01
ABS
5 7 5====100PERCENT JAPANESE OK GR888888888888
loved
mand
Fri, 2010-12-24 06:31
Hello my friend!
Good to see you! I've been experimenting with Senryu and Haiku. I'll try some other style out if I can.
Hope you are o.k - I will come by to see your poems soon - maybe not until Monday!! hopefully before.
Keep safe
Love Mand xxxxxxxxx
author commentNordic cloud
Thu, 2010-12-23 15:10
...and touch us all,
Oh sweet sweet the honeyed words
spread out their perfumed air
and touch us all,
and us enthral.
Sweet honeyed words
Spread their perfumes freely
Deep cure
Oh just messing Mand.
I like the thought behind this very much.
Love Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
mand
Fri, 2010-12-24 06:34
Hiya Ann
Great to see you! Sounds like bacon! Ha ha only joking.
Love and hugs!
Mand xxxxxxxxxx
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2010-12-23 18:01
hheeelllloooooooo mand
well thought out Haiku...............stan
mand
Fri, 2010-12-24 06:36
Ha ha ha,
Hheeellllloooooo. My husband speaks like that when he answers the phone - cracks me up.
Great to hear from ya.
Love to family and all
Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxx
author commentmand
Mon, 2010-12-27 04:47
Thanks Xena
I hope you and Zak are o.k. I have to admit I hijacked the idea for this poem - because I really like the sentiments - so I kinda cheated.
glad you liked it.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxx
author commentmand
Mon, 2010-12-27 04:49
Hi Amalzamani
Wise words that help us live better lives.
Thanks for reading and commenting Amalzamani.
Love to you
Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxx
author commentmand
Mon, 2010-12-27 04:56
Helloo Seren
Soo good to see you. Glad you liked this little poem. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Love to you and your family.
Mand xxxxxxx
author commentmand
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:09
Hi Shirl
Your advice was excellent - I appreciate your input.
Thanks Shirl.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxx
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:39
my comment to this one
"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"..
raj (sublime_ocean)
magics02
Sun, 2011-01-02 16:46
Amend and Amen
Lovely!!!
mand
Sun, 2011-01-02 16:54
Hello Mona
I agree - refreshing the soul - nice to have the soul refreshed.
Thanks for your encouragement Mona - always good to hear from you.
Love
Mand xxxxxxxxx
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