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In protest to some modernist teachings

I wanna wing my abstractions in flared brushes
dipped in frightening rays of fiery flight
soaring above your passionless pit of poetic posturings
and shit some sense into your unopened view,
because We sir, are your peers!

I wanna misuse your precious language
until it's not only accepted, but expected.
I wanna fuck Plath in her silvery mouth
after pounding Ezra's stale metaphors
up his racist white ass, all while watching
your reactions, glory in your disgust and the
ill attempts to look away.

Turn your back if you will; but if you awaken
incredibly violated, my job was done.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

FUCK YEAH! (And double fucking yeah!)

~A

p.s. tomorrow's

thank you M'Lady

doffed and bowed

author comment

in a piece with so much attitude and balls, i found
the ending sounded like grand-standing...a little
in the tone of that which this poem is slagging off...
however, that's just my ear.
though i think you could say it in a much
grittier, down-and-dirty way, i have nothing
better to offer, so take the crit as you will

apart from that,

...well... mr moonman, i do believe
i need a cigarette now...
(is it weird i found this exciting?)

HUGE kudos for this excellent piece,
and if i may borrow from kailashana...?

FUCK YEAH!

cheers
p

You are so damn right about the ending, it was the one
part I wasn't happy with and now I know why, it really is
grand-standy, where's the grit ... I need to send it home on
that line and what I have doesn't quite cut it.

(thinking cap on now)

you need a cigarette (lol) ... well then!!!

author comment

I no longer call things 'ballsy' since I heard Betty White say “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding”. So this piece is vaginesque!

Got to agree with P. about the ending.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

a nice cup of tea and a little lie down?...how very mummsy of you!
(i use variations of that saying myself...alot)

cacked myself over the betty white comment...that's mint, as my kids say
(big seal of approval)
balls/ ballsy are out...vaginesque it is!

cheers
p

"my ill attempts to look away" failed indeed!
Duly drawn in and quartered! Loved it!
Happy Yule tide greetings too b.t.w.

Bonitaj

A happy late Yuletide to you!

I tried something different on the ending,
perhaps this has more kick in the pants so to speak (lol)

author comment

By George, he's got it! (I would use the present tense.. my job IS done)

Much love, moonman, you'll always be one of my heroes.

~A

my hero walks beside me
pushing me along
she warns me of my failings
and finishes my song

a little ditty I just wrote

thanks Anna

author comment

You're now reminding me of a friend in Aloha land, he composed/composes many ditties.

Thank you, Richard. Godspeed.

~A

the new ending!

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

i hope those people see this, man. wow. that was great!

All has been said previous to my reading this. Good Lord I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of your wrath

well done
Chrys

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

love the new ending richard!

LOVED the alliteration!. Sounds like somebody is getting tired of see peoply trying to fob off stanzafied prose as poetry. Great writing.............hmmm.......try substituting feathered for flared in line one and see what you think.................stan

Ian.T, Yenti, Sparrow, and friends are now huddled in a deep dark cave afraid to show themselves.
What have you done they had absolute fear in their eyes as they trooped in lol..
Great write and very vaginesque as seems to be the new word, I still have the old fashioned kit, and feel inadequate, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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