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PROPOSALS

I asked if you would be so kind, so many years ago,
to walk beside me on this path where ever it might go
little thinking you'd say yes to me, a man of little means,
who'd been for years in love with you at least since my teens.

Then forty fleeting years ago I watched you coming down the aisle
and seeing you in that white gown gave little choice except to smile.
Then there in front of all those folks, both friends and family
we promised we would love each other for eternity.

Now we look back along the way we've gone for all the years
enduring storms along the way as well as peaceful weather,
I know the times we laughed aloud outweigh the times of tears
so let's join hands and reach the top of the final slope together.

* for Susan on Aug. 3

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

I hope that you both have a lovely day tomorrow, those times what ever, taught you many things, life is better living together.
There to be able to reach out with thought or feeling is a wonderful state, and may you both have many more years.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you. We both took the day off and pretty much just goofed off lol..........stan

author comment

A beautiful poem. I wish both of you well. Just asking. This piece seems like celebrating a wedding anniversary. Is that the case? If it is, let me wish you a happy wedding anniversary, for the great moments that were shared and many more to come...

Alid

You are correct in thinking this has to do with our 40th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe she's managed to put up with me so long...........stan

author comment

no mistaking this for any other occasion! It has to be the anniversary of your wedding! Forty years? Wow! Congrats! Many happy returns of the day! ~ Gee
P.S. Interesting to see that you used a different rhythm scheme with the last four lines! Not that it matters, it took nothing away from the poem in any way! Just thought that I would mention it!

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Thank you. The last 4 lines had a minor change to enhance the change from past to present...........stan

author comment

The love and the thought
speak out so well
in western lure
what else do you want more

CONGRATS
of ALL
NEOPOETS
for SURE..
for another forty or more!

Humans lived ....200 years.... they say...
you two may...
GOOD WISHES FROM ME
LOVED

It seems I hear too many couples now days saying "we;ll try marriage a few years and see how it goes.".......lack of true commitment might be what results in high divorce rates.............stan

author comment

Envy, joy, vicarious warmth and an appreciation of true, committed love.

My life has been so very different, I have loved often, deeply, sometimes extremely unwisely. They have all been beautiful, intelligent, talented and sometimes even wise and usually a bit crazy. And I lost them all, so their is loss and grief and loss and grief and loss and grief. Blame doesn't come into it, we all fucked up.

My life has been one of extremes and I both envy you and even feel some sympathy, if you can imagine that.

Some small poetic crits
and seeing you in that white gown gave all the reason I needed to smile.
[a bit wordy, could you lose a syllable or two?]

we promised we would love each other for eternity. [it is redundant but if you added "for all eternity it would scan better]

so let's join hands and reach the top of the final slope together.
[feels a bit clumsy, a pity for the last line, maybe just]
so let's join hands and reach the final slope together.

A strikingly beautiful poem Stan, despite your constant self-deprecation you have shown great growth in your poetic craft, this is simple, elegant and without a trace of maudlin sentimentality.

Congratulations to you as a poet and you both as a couple

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I am Very aware how lucky I was to find the right one so long ago. I can also understand your sympathy for a man who "tied " himself down so early in life. (If one counts from the time we started dating we've been together 44 years) and thus missed out of trying a variety of partners before settling down. But it just felt and still feels right lol.
To the poem itself. These are all much longer lines than I'm accustomed to writing. As such there's little surprise a few of them are a bit clunky and the ones you pointed out I Knew were in need of help. So never fear, I'll get the editing pen out before long and see what I can do.............stan

author comment
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