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A Promise Of Love

Somewhere in the album of memories,
I keep the stories of a broken heart.
When the old love is betrayed, fades or dies,
it feels like my soul is torn apart

But patience and wisdom whisper to me
a promise I have always longed to hear,
that the dream of true love will never be
a lost cause i'll bear through my living years

As long as faith embraces true courage,
hope will be the flower blossomed anew
for those who really believe it exist,
passion will find a way, love will come true

So be brave dear heart , seek your priceless love
and when you find it here, you'll know its worth

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
for everyone...
Editing stage: 

Comments

I need help with the title.Any ideas?

Alid

author comment

I like this. You've set up the scene well and kept a logic consistency, but I'd like you to keep a smoother flow even if free verse. See if you can keep at least the same syllable count on each line.
And I thought the last stanza needs more work.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I've done as you have suggested. Even change the title. Not sure if the title works, though.

Alid

author comment

faith encourage( s)
or else
embraces courage
my take
you do what ever of it you can make

title maybe
;;;Unrequited Love'''

loved

Loved suggestions are spot on
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

This is lovely I told you it would make a good poem :)

I agree with Rula on the last verse it needs a little more work

other than that you have done a good job

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

What do you think of the new title?

Alid

author comment

You have nicely used the album as a prop to set up your poem. However an Album in itself is a store of memories. Therefore, you need not use memories in the first line. I would like to re-visit this one and offer some suggestions. Let me give this one some thought...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I like this, it's close to being a sonnet.

Stanza 1, line 3, should "die" be "dies"?

Stanza 3, line 2:

"hope will be the flower blossom anew"

might be

"hope will be the flower, blossomed anew,"

or

"hope will be the flower, blossoming anew,"

When I read this, I am reminded strongly of Kayaam, and fatalistic hope.

Most excellent.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

pray tell, what is Kayaam?

Alid

author comment

Omar Khayyam: 9th century Persian scientist, philosopher, and poet. He gave us much of modern algebra, wrote a lot about Sufism and Islamic theology, and gave us The Rubaiyat, probably his most famous collection of poetry, translated into English in the late 1800s.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

thanks for the update.

Alid

author comment

which one is better for the title, "Unrequited Love" or "A Promise Of Love"?

Alid

author comment

When the old love is betrayed, fades or dies
(and) it feels like my soul is torn apart

The "and" is unnecessary as it does not add to the first part of the sentence. Put a comma behind "dies" and delete "and".
I think your title is fine.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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thanks for the visit. I've edited it.

Alid

author comment
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