Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Promise...

Fathers from the stars
The chaos of your arrival
Will you depose our graven images?
Surely you will be hated

The masses are angry
Held in contempt by the powers
Unaware to the end
Angels are real and here

Ancient legends believed at last
Science catches up
Acuality, reality painted and carved
Seeing is believing

Slave labor made to order
Thou shalt have no others before me
Knowledge is power
Cursed and deported

Streaks of humanity
The code of life unraveled
Windows to the soul
In goggle-eyed freaks

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

UFOlogists believe ;)….nice poem!!!!! and as good a theoretical justification for obedience as any

Best Z

and in accordance with the belief that our gods are our "makers", in their image, I am willing to put some credence in the Holy Books of the world's majority of religions. As distorted as the messages have been through the interpretations of so many, there is most probably a grain of truth in them. Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I think I understand the concepts you are grappling with. It is hard to pull off without it becoming a poetic form of essay. Right now i'm not sure you have achieved the intent as stated in the comments, and unlike many poets, I think a poem should express the idea meant by the writer, not just whatever works for the reader is just fine...
I have not really learned how to discuss anthropological, or theological ideas in a poem. It is hard to do both - to teach (share knowledge) and be poetic at the same time.

The opening needs work. This is not a compete sentence-

Fathers from the stars
The chaos of your arrival
Will you depose our graven images?

The last line ..the google eyed freaks, is too corny for me.

In the middle I think i just think more focus, on just one aspect of this very large concept you are considering- ancient legends, creators, the first commandment...too much.

It's so much easier to write about emotion, death or landscape, but I hope you keep going and see where the subject leads you in poetry. If it were easy, everyone would do it, right?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

your ideas some thought. I do you think you may be on to something with the last line being "corny", but I was trying to give voice to the common man and thought that might be an opinion shared by many as they try to deny the reality. This wasn't supposed to be a lesson, per se. It was the emotions that I thought would be shown when the masses were to find out that we are the "children" of an alien race. I will let the readers make some comments before I go editing and changing things. I am somewhat confident that our poets and readers here are much more astute than you give them credit for. I do thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and it's nice to know that there are believers all around, not just on T.V. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.