Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Primitive Sociology

In the beginning
it wasn't the apple he ate
when MAN first could see;
It was WOman giving birth
to a little other like he.
Away he ran in dread
of this strange new power
he could not understand.
His mind was fraught
with fearful thoughts
of this new knowledge
and so he boldly told other
MANs what he had seen
and together they agreed,
this much power must be
under every MANs command,
How else could all the HEs
be certain of their progeny?
And thus the beginnings
of dark days to come gathering
storms from the stories formed
out of fear, power, and control,
the myths, mythologies, Religions
were born that hid the lies
and held control of all
powers the HEs could know.
For that betrayal, it would be
the destiny of WOmankind
to pay the penalty,
with Religions finalized
for the disguise of lies
that would turn the SHEs
into properties.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is not a sexist voice speaking. It is a preponderance of my sociological thought, supposition, and imagination.
Editing stage: 

Comments

to argue about your suppositions and the preponderance of evidence! LoL I do think that you might have a little trouble with those longer lines. You may want to adjust them and make the poem less about freeform. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Can you tell me what you mean by making my "poem less about freeform"? It's the word "Freeform" that confuses me. Do you think the longer lines change the meter?

Help me out here,

~ Marthalyn

author comment

This idea was raised in my Sociology of Myths and Religions class as a question to think about not necessarily to take seriously. lol

~ Marthalyn

author comment

do take stuff like this very seriously! I've run into a few myself. You know, those deadly serious women that think matriarchal societies fertilizing themselves is the way to go? LoL I used to enjoy baiting them. What do you call it now? Trolling? ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I'm not even familiar with that term in the context you mentioned. I'm a diehard believer in Nature's natural balance of life. I will admit that if there is a subject that matters to me, e.g., climate change, I will never back down.

~ Marthalyn

author comment

I'm not even sure what I meant about that. I just remember thinking that you had a lot of rhyme to be saying that it is free-verse. I guess that when an inveterate rhymer such as you or I, tries to go free-verse, we just can't get away clean! LoL Going back and reading it aloud, I guess that the rhythm does keep pretty well. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I did alter the free form as you suggested and I think it made a bit of an improvement. I appreciate your suggestions.

Respectfully,

~ Marthalyn

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.