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The priest and the raven

The priest and the raven
Catholic and Pagan
Shared time
In the garden of men

The priest dreamed of heaven
Lasting redemption
Immaculate conception
Virginal women

Honoured, beloved and blessed

But also remembered
Hot days in the sun
Barefoot and naked
And exuberant, spirited sex

And the raven flew
Black feathered and searching
High above earth
Overhead

Cracking the bones of the living

Snapping the bones of the dead

And the blood of those stories
Is older and richer
Wider and deeper
Than those in the garden of men

And when the priest died
The raven still cried
High above earth
Overhead

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I started this poem late last night and wrote bits of it at work, but have been gnawing at the themes for a while back. I find the relationship of Catholic belief and the reality of human nature beneath the Catholic ideology and discipline fascinating. Catholic/pagan is an odd partnership but belong together too, I think, for their richness of poetic imagery. The 'priest' in this poem is a real man, my dear friend, who recently died. Our friendship was based on opposing belief systems but I am trying to convey tenderness in the poem, that sense of being part of the thread of life and death despite different spiritual paths. Tell me if I have succeeded or not and how this can be improved. This poem matters to me.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a good write, as you are talking about being in the garden of men then the line:- "Than those in the garden of men" should that not start with "Of those in the garden of men" before they leave the garden.
Sorry to hear about the Priest, their future journey is as they were on the Earth plain, if they have been good then good will be theirs.
The spiritual journeys though as chalk and cheese, the end product depends on the way you live, not your beliefs, we are spiritualists here so we have a good understanding of both plains.
Take care and enjoy all things, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you - I am still gnawing away at this one, as one does...bugger.

Jenifer

author comment

Thanks, Lonnie_exactly what I think! Also the imagery in the two belief systems is pretty profound. Great are for quarreling or for people to learn from one another. Fascinates me.

Jenifer

author comment

I'm an atheist, yet have spirit guides and celebrate each solstice and equinox. So probably a bit of a pagan, though I think my practices connect me to the reality of our planet and it's cycles, and my spirit guides? Well Jung can explain them better than I can, although I have written a fair bit about Shamanism.

Love the poetry, you have the "ear", so welcome to hear.

Your first poem was wonderful, this is better, I look forward to many more.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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