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A Prayer for 2016

Submitted by Seren on Thu, 2015-12-31 11:06

Its been a shocking end of our year in many different ways, and I fell a great deal of sadness but for you all, this I pray.

May your sadness turn to joy
in the quietude of your heart,
May your God bring you peace
as the world seems to fall apart

On the oceans of tears we will ride
to calmer waters of a happy place,
stop your eyes forever searching
spinning hands that forever race

Don't forget the ones you love
for tomorrow isn't guaranteed,
make that call you vow to make
know a love that is totally freed

As the hands of eternity rest
on loved ones who've moved ahead,
As they fill our galaxy with stars
always know that they are not dead

The memory's we leave behind
are the footprints of our lives,
to really live you need to know
how to reach and touch the skies

All these simple wishes I pray
maybe just innocent dreams,
but to find the radiance in life
you'll need to unpick all the seams

As the suns ever baptized the dawn
as the moon holds the chalice of night,
the simplest things of our all days
can be overpowering in their might

Today is the beginning of a new year
and how it goes is all our own choice,
stand on the mountains of no fear
know how to let go and rejoice.

Happy New Year, thanks for being part of my old year and my New ... love always and forever.

1st January 2016

© Jayne Eggins
 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

alidzain

Thu, 2015-12-31 15:45

alidzain's picture

Happy New Year to you too..

Let old enmity wither
and may friendship last.
To find joy in the future,
let go of the painful past.

To friends far and near,
may all your dreams come true
and woven in brilliant colors,
that's my prayer for you.

I hope you will stay strong
as you face your life/s trials.
Be you the beacon among
the people you love in this world.

Especially for you, dear sister,
I wish you the best in coming years.
Please take care, my dear.
May love sets you free from all your fears.

Lots of love and hugs from
Alid

wesley snow

Thu, 2015-12-31 16:36

wesley snow's picture
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Everyone will comment on the subject matter (which is powerful), so I'm going to critique the poem.

Bad news first:
"the simplest things of our all days" (I think you mean "all our days".)

Good stuff.
I'm always fascinated with how you work line breaks. Even through enjambment it does not seem arbitrary. They always make a gentle transition from line to line.

I liked the "occasional rhyme" (yes that's what it's called). It allowed me to read it as though it were not exactly free verse.

All in all, it is a brilliant poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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scribbler

Fri, 2016-01-01 13:17

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Wes calls it occasional rhyme but it's not occasional when it is repeated every other line. I liked this and am a bit discombobulated to see a rhyming poem fall out of your pen lol. To satisfy wes you might address the one stanza which uses near rhyme. I hope the coming year is great for you as I suspect you can use a break...........stan

wesley snow

Sat, 2016-01-02 22:20

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for alternating rhyme. Like "envelope" with abba.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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raj

Fri, 2016-01-01 13:12

Beautifull poem full of sincere expressions. Wishing You too a Happy, Healthy, Peaceful Life..

Much love and warm hugs...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sparrow

Fri, 2016-01-01 18:50

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I wish you a 2016, where the chains of life and it's pains, can be removed by the love of us all.
If you need, the universe will provide..
We have much to do and a new year is here.
Your Pen is needed, and our Love to hold you,
Walk with us some more, and let us write as if it is our last day.
Our unconditional love, is all around you now and always, Yours Da xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Geezer

Fri, 2016-01-01 20:25

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I loved the thoughts and sentiments expressed here and I too, am impressed and flummoxed with the notion of rhyme from beneath your fingers. Great stuff! Thanks for all the wishes and near prayers. Know that they are wished and near prayed right back at you! ~ Your American, big bro. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Sat, 2016-01-02 09:10

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Jayne started out as a predominately rhyming poet then changed to free verse later lol.......Now I'm gonna duck before she throws something at me for letting the secret out......................stan

wesley snow

Sat, 2016-01-02 19:13

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She actually told me herself. I didn't think all that much of it at the time, so didn't blab it out. I've been trying to fix that flaw for sometime now.

Which is as good a time as any to get your (and anyone else's) suggestions on a workshop I'm planning.
It would be in three parts, each part dealing with a small, classical form.
The three I have chosen are: terza rima, ottava rima and the rhyming sestina.
Sounds hard doesn't it? They're not. Any slob could write them, but a workshop will introduce them. They are used more often than you think.
What are your thoughts.
I'll hold it in the Olympic Pool as it's not gnarly enough for the Shark Pool.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

alidzain

Sat, 2016-01-02 19:21

alidzain's picture

what kind of suggestion are you looking for?

Alid

Joan Rolls

Fri, 2016-01-08 06:05

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Hi wesley. Id like to do this workshop if you run it. Need to get out of this rut.!

Geezer

Sat, 2016-01-02 19:28

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maybe I'll join this one if you start it Wes. Maybe a good way to sharpen my pen. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Joan Rolls

Fri, 2016-01-08 05:57

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Hey jayne. Loved the honest sentiment of this poem. Hope youre chugging along ok and that this year gives you what you need. Take care bud.

wesley snow

Fri, 2016-01-08 14:55

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Throw a comment on my blog about wanting to do the workshop so I can get an idea of how many participants I might have. Five is plenty. Let me know on the blog. Thanks.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

wesley snow

Fri, 2016-01-08 14:55

wesley snow's picture
Volunteer badge

Throw a comment on my blog about wanting to do the workshop so I can get an idea of how many participants I might have. Five is plenty. Let me know on the blog. Thanks.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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