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Positive Energy

Bubbles floating into the conscious sea
Whipped air-borne
Riding the currents of reality.

Leached from the mind of a healthy psyche
Loosing florescent fractures of memory.

Randomly expanding and bursting free
Abstract thought
Travelling toward the outer galaxy.

Flashing atoms of luminosity
Pulsating charges of electricity.

Relaying across the synaptic tree
Exciting cognitive imagery.

Radiating throughout the entity
Generating positive energy.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


its good that you posted this one after revamping it...else i wouldnt have been able to read some of your excellent perceptions...loved these ones even more ..

Radiating throughout the entity
Exciting cognitive imagery.

Leached from the mind of a healthy psyche
Generating positive energy.

i must say you have a fertile mind from which these seeds of thought have germinated...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Good of you to read and comment. I've taken the revamped one off and replaced it with the original. If you have any opinions on which one is best I'd be most grateful - can't make up my mind.

Great to hear from you. I hope you are o.k

Love Mand xxxxxx

author comment

i loved this one too...i will take a looksee at the one you had posted earlier and then get back to you with my humble opinion...i am not sure if i am qualified to comment on works as fine as yours and other seasoned campaigners here on Neopoet...for now i need to scurry to work...

with much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

sorry for a delayed re-visit and response about comparing the two versions of this write..

on re-reading I am of the opinion that this one has a better flow and the key words are very well ingrained in the it the effect of a nucleus around which positively charged particles (energy) a nutshell this one radiates energy...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Always nice to see your lovely smiling face.

I've put the original back on - any opinion on which is best would be appreciated.

Give my love to Vanni. Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

I lov ehow you took a word or two and then wrote on it. Very clever and precisely done. I see you are venturing out of your comfort zone also and happy to see that. Nice poem and Happy New Year to you and yours, Missed ya

Love Mona

Nice to hear from ya. Glad you liked the poem and thank you for your kind comments. I hope you and yours are all happy and in good health and that you all have a prosperous, contented new year - can't believe it's 2011 already.Lol

Keep safe

Loads of love

Mand xxxxxxx

author comment


this one captured me right away. The structure, flow and meter were perfect.

You can chant this one and not one line or word trips you up.

I also like the short middle line of each stanza. I suffer with OCD so my only complaint would be that you should use one word only in each second line of the stanza's...but that's just me and my craving for uniformity.

I am facinated with meter and structure and this one sits high up on favourite poems on Neopoet.

Good title and subject matter.

Thanks for sharing this one my friend,


Workshops are now open:
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Good to hear from you - I agree I should work on that second line - might take me awhile but I'll do my best.

Glad you liked it. I much appreciate your input. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I'm really grateful for your comment - sometimes I get hung up on which way to go. I will go and delete the second version. Thank you - thank you.

Love to you

Mand xxxxxxxxx

author comment
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