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POPLARS
These poplars stand straight and tall
slim branches bare in early winter
seeds whirly-birding as they fall
confetti for all who choose to enter.
Gray trunks a match to cloudy sky
as their limbs applaud the wind
and maybe me as I pass by
on my way to journey's end.
I've come here often in the spring
as newly minted green leaves sprout
and this copse's love birds sing
while mating squirrels run about.
In summer time the shade is deep
a respite from the glare and heat
where deer often come to sleep
and turkeys scratch duff with their feet.
They're first to don gold leaf in fall
it seems like almost over night
as if dressing for a harvest ball.
When here the world seems somehow right.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Race_9togo
Mon, 2010-11-22 23:22
Scribbler
I had to think really hard about duff...before remembering that my uncle used to use that word a lot, back in the highlands, heehee.
Title is Okay, but rather vague.
What can I say about your language use? lol. Impeccable, as always.
The rhythym of this is just marvelous. At first I thought the last line didn't fit, but as usual, when I spoke your poem, that line simply flowed right out with the rest, naturally and beautifully.
The theme....lol...I SAW this scene last summer, along the Tippecanoe river in Northern Indiana, and hunkered down to enjoy it for as long as possible. Deer, Turkeys, green, gray, shade and all. It's always a treat, to find a vivid memory in someone else's poem!
The beginning sets everything up very nicely, and the ending takes it through to where it should be, at the end of the cycle.
I think this is my most favorite of your poems, so far.
Most excellent.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
scribbler
Tue, 2010-11-23 16:40
poplars
I intend to revisit this theme with different trees and locations over time. So glad you liked this...........scribbler
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2010-11-23 16:42
poplars
The ease may be in the reading not the writing lol. As to titles , you know my reluctance to change a title but thanks for the suggestion........stan
author commentKailashana2
Tue, 2010-11-23 06:15
Oh, my, Scribbler being
Oh, my, Scribbler being *vague*... oh, the humanity!
I love the feel and tone of your poem, and I dance.
how graceful you are
bare tree, swaying silver grey
against winter sky
~
scribbler
Tue, 2010-11-23 16:44
poplars
I also thought title was anything but vague, but I am no judge of my own work lol. I am pleased that you liked this........scribbler
author commentloved
Tue, 2010-11-23 16:45
u said poplars
i thought you were
and meant
popular
which u seemingly
so appear so
POPULAR
loved
scribbler
Tue, 2010-11-23 16:48
poplars
I hope my ego not so large as to write a poem about my perceived popularity lmao......scribbler
author commentloved
Sat, 2010-11-27 23:20
Humility thy name is
S C R I B B E R RRRRRR L E R
loved
Eumolpus
Mon, 2017-07-24 22:45
Some thoughts
A sad poem. Why are trees are perhaps applauding you as well as the wind on your way to your journey's end? This i could not find, and this is what is imperative for us to know. You have a relationship with the poplars, who seem detached from all the gifts they give the birds and animals.
They have given you a gift in making the world seem right...I can understand why they applaud the wind, the sun, or the glory of fall.
I was thrown off by copse which my dyslexia kept reading corpse, as I never saw that word. After checking it does work (a thicket of small trees). but I might not be the only person who reads it wrong that way...something to consider.
I love the poplars. first thing that comes to mind is of course Monet. So I read the poem with that painting image in my mind.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Tue, 2017-07-25 08:22
Hello!
I kinda used a reversal of cause and effect with the wind making the limbs actually move although I stated the limbs were perhaps fanning the air. And i also love poplars. Among the first to change color in the fall(along with wild cherry) and those seed pods which have on rare occasions showered around me when I happened to be at the right place and time............stan
author comment