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poor little rat

i was peacefully watching tele
involved in scotch
and quite a full belly

when from the kitchen rustlings came

i knew that there was no-one home
my flatmates errant
rage, rave and roam

so for rustlings someone else to blame

i crept up slow and took a look
there was a rat
intently chewing on my book

oh you rodent shame shame shame

the warrior within me woke
i grabbed a hefty stick
then that heathenous rat did poke

one mighty blow did smite it lame

poor little rat
wobbled and crawled
towards the door but that’s not that

now i must take a different tone

some remorse had found a home
within my breast once raging pure
now dwelled a feeling not unlike manure

I killed it dead
and without compunction
sent it sewerly ahead

I don’t like killing
but let the message be clear
only vermin right willing
to die
should enter here

*an old one of mine I just rediscovered and it gave me a giggle

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
*an old one of mine I just rediscovered and it gave me a giggle
Editing stage: 

Comments

hmmm... it is comic and I did kill it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

No rat is safe which devours books lol. But there Is always that bit of regret when a hunter takes a life whether a small rat or a large deer......stan

to me the most evil character in literature was Mervin Peake's Steerpike from the Gormenghast trilogy. Apart from being a common or garden variety serial killer he burnt a library. Death is too good...

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Can you see the irony in that statement about a book?
No doubt you intended it and I spoiled your irony by explaining it. Sorry. [smiles]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I am poisoning them and winning. The remorse is terrible. They are so small and cute, but my comic books cannot be messed with. They ask for it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I had a flatmate once who found a mouse with a broken back from a trap I had set, but still alive. She put it in a shoebox to nurse it. I found it and flushed it and told her that her sentimentality was self-indulgent and ultimately cruel. She was the first to freak out when we found mouse droppings amongst our food.

By the way, Wes, theoretically one shouldn't use a comma before 'and', 'however' or 'but' as they serve the same function however sometimes I feel the extra pause is necessary. What are your thoughts on this?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I should follow my own incessant advice and "proofread'.
No, one should NEVER use a comma with the word "and".
However, I always use a comma following "however". As for "but"... I also use a comma... let's see, but... there it is.
Most importantly I think it needs to be consistent. If you use a comma in a specific place, use it always in that specific place. Nothing annoys me more than punctuation used haphazardly. Except typographical errors of course.
Wait a minute.
I didn't use a comma with "and". I did proofread my previous comment as I proofread them all.
ALL of my critiques are proofread carefully, so that I can whine at others about proofreading.
Bitching at other poets typographical errors can be such a joy and I have so few.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

cool, thank you.

Actually, if you think about it, there are a situations where you can use 'and' with a comma and 'however' or 'but' without one.

Others might find this conversation pedantic, I enjoy it and find it valuable.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I recently heard a long interview of a writer who studied rats...it is so hard to disassociate them from an instinct of hatred, like most people have with spiders and snakes, but rats are actually quite intelligent, care for their young, are monogamous, and are relatively peaceful creatures.

In the end, we get our revenge with this species as we test them with all the new medicines and techniques, as their DNA is so close to ours.

Of all the creatures I would not like to be reincarnated into, probably the it's the rat! But really, what is a squirrel? a rat with a bushy tail? And what of wild dogs in Africa, we all love dogs, but not them!

I do not forgive your rat. after all, he was eating your book. "Books are not for eating."

I wonder if rats hate us as much as we hate them?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

and social media, we would be doomed.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

a B-rated movie. "Rats Escape From Intelligence Test Lab"
Having been injected with brain-cells from
genius who donated his brain."

I enjoyed the limerick and the odd rhythm. ~ Gee.

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Critique or comment today!

about an animal testing laboratory with just that plot [shudders]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

do you know what and who moles are jess
they are rats
who desert the sinking ship first
they bring forth news
from under covers
what was who doing

then you club them ,dead

Have you ever seen a dead rat
that's exactly what happens
to humans , when dead .
no sole no soul
otherwise ratty will be the heavens
, meaning smelly once rats
dead are not buried

When to Use a Comma before "And"

Two specific situations call for the use of a comma before "and." The first is created when we have three or more items in a series. This mark of punctuation is called the serial comma. For a full explanation of why we use the serial comma, please read our previous tip on the subject. (See "Serial Comma" on p. 49 in our book of writing tips or find the link to the "Serial Comma" tip in our online tip archive.)

The second situation occurs when "and" is being used to coordinate two independent clauses. An independent clause—also known as a main clause—is a group of words that has a subject and a verb and can stand alone as a sentence. In the following example, the independent clauses are in brackets:

[Miguel took piano lessons for sixteen years], and [today he is an accomplished performer].

The use of the comma would also apply when any of the seven coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, for, so, yet) join two independent clauses.

Notice in the next example that we do not use a comma before "and" because it does not join two independent clauses but merely joins two verbs:

Miguel took piano lessons for sixteen years and today is an accomplished performer.
Here we have only one independent clause—two verbs ("took" and "is") but one subject ("Miguel").

sir

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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