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Polarized Perspectives:
All the world's A stage
As we rage and disengage
World is more a cage
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Wordless worth
Editing stage:
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Comments
Chiori
Mon, 2017-11-13 05:15
Haiku
the world is a stage actually
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing
Eumolpus
Mon, 2017-11-13 17:50
I think needs a tweek
I like the idea but something for me doesn't fit...perhaps something like
If all the world's a stage
As we rage and disengage
All the world is more a cage
Something like that, as there is action in the poem which needs clarifying. right now we have
Statement
Phrase ( I think it is an "infinitive phrase" starting with as, but I'm not a grammarian)
Incomplete sentence.
maybe its like a puzzle, I surely get the idea, so my take is needs a tweek to tie tighter.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
OriginalRhyku
Fri, 2017-11-17 22:20
eumoplus
appreciate your review - if i changed the wording as you have suggested, the syllable count would be affected and the poem would not be a rhyku, my specialty. anyway thanks for the input and I have responded in lowercase due to your ee cummings tribute.