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A poem to Your Childhood Self...

Submitted by Geezer on Thu, 2022-10-06 11:12

"Hey Guy!"

What? [looking around]

"It's me, your older self"

Ummmm, yeah? Who is this really?

"It's me, yourself, really"

Okay, suppose I believe you, what do you want?

I want you to believe
that there is always hope
that no matter how dark the day
It won't stay that way, nope

If you have a problem
we can work it out
I'll always be there for you
you won't have to shout

Don't act without considering
the people you may hurt
if you see a man that's naked
give that man your shirt

Always stop to smell the flowers
hear the playing of wind-chimes
listen to your mother
give the lonely a little time

Don't be too hard on us kid
whenever we might fall
Remember that I love you
give your older self a call

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
A Poem To Your Childhood Self
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

lovedly

Thu, 2022-10-06 14:06

lovedly's picture

I want you to believe
that there is always hope
that no matter how dark the day
It won't stay that way, nope

My you have such faith in me
wait I'm coming to down town this evening
wear a red hat
I
will know you
but just hope
many others may wear read too
I will feel shy to ask you
YOU WHO?

Geezer

Thu, 2022-10-06 16:31

Geezer's picture
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I'm the one in the flat, black leather hat. ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

lovedly

Thu, 2022-10-06 20:00

lovedly's picture

only elder guys come to meet me
else I'm busy BEE OK GEE
Well I hope you will wink at me
but how would you know ME

WHO shall be invisible ha ha lol
just stay where you are and
S M I L E
stay happy you have a family

Geezer

Fri, 2022-10-07 13:20

Geezer's picture
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conversation with you and I would recognize you! A unique personage! I am 74 and like to think I have or will have seen, most everything I want to see and a lot I didn't. Yes, I have family, and not just biological! I have my Neo. family too. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2022-10-07 22:35

lovedly's picture

you call me as UNIQUE
how merry I am you did not say ......
but I have learned more than many things since you started reading and conversing things
I'm sorry about your mom ...I lost mine over half a century
so do read my poem
MOMS SMILES ..composed almost after 50 years ...while she must be flying within the strata of time ...still she smiles....at me..
The poem over the Internet has over about 300 pages as views ....Neo technically missed giving me the First prize
But no surprise
she still
SMILES

Lavender

Fri, 2022-10-07 11:00

Lavender's picture
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Hi, Geezer,
What a clever way to start your poem! It sounds just like the poet Geezer I've come to know! So many wonderful lines here, but what really stands out:

Always stop to smell the flowers
hear the playing of wind-chimes
listen to your mother
give the lonely a little time

Spot on! Your final line is great, too.
Wonderful!
L

Geezer

Fri, 2022-10-07 13:15

Geezer's picture
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My mother was a huge influence in my life. I was thinking about how the few times I didn't listen to her, I wound up in trouble.
She was also the one who told me to stop and smell the flowers whenever you have time, and I saw first-hand, the kindness she showed those who were lonely and elderly. She just passed away last month, two weeks before her 96th birthday. She was surrounded by friends and family, who absolutely adored her! She used to say; " I was just saying to myself, self, what to do?" I guess, that might explain most of the comments you made. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Mr joghe

Fri, 2022-10-07 17:50

Mr joghe's picture

Good write!
It's a dramatic poem. It is a call to the children to hold unto the elders' advice.
You make use of rhetorical questions in the beginning

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

Geezer

Sat, 2022-10-08 11:03

Geezer's picture
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Yes, it is a call to heed their elder's advice. I have ridden my pen on my roughest roads and there are more rough roads to come; be assured that I will ride my pen as long as possible to the ultimate destination. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Mr joghe

Sun, 2022-10-09 13:58

Mr joghe's picture

It's certain to ride but always choosing the rough road to gain balance.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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