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A Poem

not as much the words
but sound, mood, theme resonate
their poetic thought

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Like this one! you have captured the true nature of poetry writing - it's clear and succinct - I don't think anyone will disagree!

Syllable count looks good and a pleasure to read. :)

Love Mand xxxx

Thanks

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

What do you think of replacing 'their' with 'but', and 'a' with 'to'...?
Just a suggestion
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thanks for the read. Actually I had contemplated on lines suggested by you and have now replaced "their" with but and "a" with "their". Does "their" communicate the expected meaning ?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

For me 'to' seems to say more
I cant explain why - it may be just the way I see it, but it changes the meaning very subtly

Read it a few times over, trying out both 'their' and 'to', and see if you can see what I mean ...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I know what you mean. But I feel that in the absence of "their" somewhere, it would not connect "words" to "thought"...i hope you know what i mean.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

you link poetry with vibrations only
what of words
all seek
the same dictionary
raj sublime _ u b

It not only broadens the comment, but it sounds better grammatically.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thanks for stopping by, your read and comments.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

A polished piece with the small changes that you accepted.
A great piece for today, take care,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thanks,

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Its all been said before me but this verges onto the profound

Beautifully done and oh it really is !! A poem ;)

Love and big hugs Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thanks Jayne for stopping by and dropping an appreciative comment, means a lot...

Warm regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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