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pleasure - pain

creased forehead
heightened breath
flared nostrils
quivering lips
taut muscles
gentle spasms
bitten lip
flushed face
sweat beads
thrashing limbs
nail paint
frantic pace
shaking head
disheveled hair
eyes express
almost there
can't wait....

oh dear
words blurted
while drafting
a duet

second thoughts
picture perfect
pleasure / pain

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hell yeah Raj !!!!! :)

thanks for reading...good to know you liked it...

i wrote this on what is believed to be "pain is an extension of pleasure" and the actions of the person undergoing it are almost same in both stages.......
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raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

"Words Blurted" very nice also:
Ok, first of all, you could add a lot of contextual emphasis but adding a few, strategically placed commas. For example,

love is the ever present ingredient that binds a port, unleash(ing )ed

a challenge to be free is a question of time, to pier (shouldn't this pier be peer?)into the unknown

nature, the truest beckoning call u(a)sunder, shout it out to the (k)no(w) it all,

beauty in the heightened brightened leash to regard its mix(-)hero fix

Here I have added commas and anything in brackets is something I would consider changing if I were you. But remember, you are the writer. You know what you want to say. These are merely suggestions and its up to you what you do here.

So give it another try, separating complete thoughts with commas. Good luck!

Mario Vitale

for reading. Though I appreciate your trying to make suggestions, I find your comment to be out of context and not comprehensible, at least to me.
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raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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