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A play for the Dramatic Verse Workshop

What Men Hear, What Men Fear
(being an original tale of the epic poem
Ҫaҫo, Man of the Morning Star)

Cast of Characters
Lord General Amos Reid, a robust man of eighty nine
Marla, a lovely girl of twelve

(The cavernous highway deep beneath the River Lurien)

… and yet the sound does not relent.
We cannot sleep. I’m truly spent.
I find it strange it pleases me,
whereas full half our host is mad.
A thousand souls are driven thus
and always it does not abate.
‘Tis true what you have said of late-
we must discern its nature foul
if there be hope to mitigate
the dread effect upon our folk,
but I do fear what you’ve bespoke.
‘Tis all we have of hope to do.
My magicks sir, will see me through.
You have not trained and yet you use
the mystic spells spite they abuse.
How came you Marla by this strength?
I know not how I came to know.
And yet you wield it as a witch
six times your age and of The Naw.
I know not how I came to know,
but such I feel and so profess-
I can indeed so ascertain
the nature of this song and gain
the knowledge I have hopes will prove
an answer and as such remove
this threat to all we hope to do.
But at what cost to flesh and soul?
It may be great, but I am whole.
If we are to survive our trek
we must learn how to veil the sound.

(Marla sits crosslegged far from the host)

Ah Marla, I do fear this task.
Despite such fear, you mayn’t ask.
I will perform this and succeed.
Do not disturb me. Will you swear?
I cannot in good conscience swear,
but I’ll not stop you if I can.
Then I now break the Dharma’s law.
“Fondil en crusos, weil sum naw.”
I close my eyes. Let magic sigh.
I search the sound for answers nigh.
“Fondil en crusos, weil sum naw.”
Upon the River Sea I swear,
her skin glows red as well the air.
“Fondil en crusos, weil sum naw.”
Gods Marla, you begin to smoke!
Recall your vow and touch me not!
“Fondil en crusos, weil sum naw!”
You’re rising from the highway charmed!
Cease now my child, before you’re harmed!
Your eyes begin to bleed profuse!
Do touch me not! I am too close!
I see the answer in my mind,
but all is shrouded. Fog I find.
You risk too much and I am hurt
as much as you. Ah Marla, stop!
I am too close! I am too close!
“Fondil en crusos, weil sum naw.”


What do you see? What can you hear?
I see but smoke, but now I hear
the music as I never did!
For it is music, music base!
I know the source and you were right!
This knowledge would be best unknown.

(She lowers to the ground)

Speak Marla, what was it you heard?

(She is silent for a nonce)

What came to you at such a risk?
The highway journeys ever down.
With every mile the music grows.
In time it will be more to bear
than common men might chance endure.
It’s terminus draws ever near.
Sans hope it is and wrapped in fear.
There is no water in this well,
for we can hear the Bell’s of Hell.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
There are some allusions that will not be understood unless you have read Caco, Man of the Morning Star. The play is written in iambic tetrameter (as my epic poem is) with intermittent rhyming couplets.
Editing stage: 


This is one helluva read. Let's hope I can use this example and a write a good one for the workshop.


that all should read
your lengthy poetry

Ҫaҫo, Man of the Morning Star)

well I read it! but admit not fully

except this being a duet ....

a drama must at least have more than two actors/characters
ask any one
you may include a back stage boy who is in a hurry
to drop the curtain if it so be

we all know are the only one.... who can create such endlessly epicurial ones
god bless you Sir...Snow
I am also having fun
I have posted my Dramatic one

Remember me

you have yet to remember
to read

If this is indeed part of a larger narrative, I believe I'll buy the book! Your dialogue is superb, your imagery, infallible, and the fantasy subject matter is my cup of tea! Loved the whole thing!

Cannot wait to to read more....

Keep Writing,

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

This is fine. I hope to write half as well

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

You've clarified the setting sir!


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me

is that I have written a "script" in verse. Don't avoid the theatricality of the concept. It is a play. Written as a poem. Separate the characters, give a few "stage" directions (location, characters standing or walking, sounds offstage... et. al.) and produce a conversation or tell a tale (I of course prefer a story to be told, but that's me and not necessary).

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

to read mine as a SAMPLE
scope of improvement is ample!

Yours is a good example. Very clean.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

author comment

satisfying relief

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