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Planned obsolscence edit

Submitted by Geremia on Sun, 2015-01-25 09:56

Planned obsolescence

I am just a machine
of flesh and bone
with what they call a soul.
I have a heart that feels
and a brain that knows
off the same assembly line
as the rest of Mankind,
I am genetically defined
according to my prototype
allotted a certain time
before I begin to die.
There was no quality control
when I was made
so I, grow old,, decay.
and away I fade....

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2015-01-25 16:51

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Actually there IS a quality control. We are all born with defective bodies destined to break down lol.....stan

Geremia

Tue, 2015-01-27 19:09

Geremia's picture

I must have been on the wrong assembly line.

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Sparrow

Sun, 2015-01-25 19:17

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A great write,
though we are born with a body it is for us to choose
the paths we have to take, to learn of many things.
That your soul is there watching what you do,
it is not there to help you, it watches your actions one by one and grows each day.
There are many that will walk with you on this life's way.
We learn from everything, to help the watching soul attain perfection.
Take care Young Joe and know we are all here with you, Yours Ian

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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Geremia

Tue, 2015-01-27 19:11

Geremia's picture

Yes, Ian. I hope you are right ... but some choices are made for us/

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Rula

Mon, 2015-01-26 10:56

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I have only one suggestion,
I would tweak the line..."so I decay, grow old, and fade away"
to read something like... so I grow old, decay and fade away
but it's your call of course.
Take care.

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Geremia

Tue, 2015-01-27 19:12

Geremia's picture

Thanks, Rula. Change made.

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