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Piety

Submitted by Simon on Wed, 2018-03-14 05:03

The clock out of the universe
Keeps me mediating
Like the ascending and descending of man
The agreed hour shall come
When the unvisitable moment is scheduled
And the frozen breath will be our victory.

As wavy as green plants
So do beings wagging and lagging
Unforgettable we must all know
From dust we arose to it we return
Power strivers are like hovers
Viciously we are grim reapers.

Questions
When the Psychopomps comes to accompany
what piety is ours?
Which kingdom is to embrace
When the deeds are dirty
Heaven or hell?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

chevyvent

Wed, 2018-03-14 14:15

chevyvent's picture

words can erupt in your face this piece is exceptional really from the heart great to have read this piece.

Mario Vitale

Simon

Wed, 2018-03-21 05:34

Simon's picture

only GOD can forgive our sins then.

author comment

Sparrow

Wed, 2018-03-14 19:52

Sparrow's picture
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A great write and your use of good words that we need more of is excellent.
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Simon

Wed, 2018-03-21 05:37

Simon's picture

thanks for your advice.

author comment
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